Texty

Hallefreakinlujah: I'm unemployed! Today was my last day--almost exactly three months since I started--and I've decided I'm never, ever going back there again. The people are nice, but the actual work itself has been miserable for me. I need out. And thankfully, I AM.

Have also decided that I'm going to stay unemployed for quite a while, unless we suddenly need the money or MSNBC has a gig I want. As I mentioned a couple of posts back, I've been mommy-tracking my career for years, now. Time to stop doing that, do the mommy thing, and then get started back up on it again once the kid's ready for day care. I've wasted far too many years in jobs in which my education and skills were utterly useless. If I go working again, I want it to be in something where I'm valued and useful and, I hope, can make a positive difference in the world. What I've been doing for the last five years? Not that. I think I burned out on this on my last go. These last three months have been excruciating. Yay that they paid for London, but still. Enough.

Near-term post-job plan is to dive back into the writing, and start pushing hard to get at least one of my novels sold. I'm not certain that'll happen, of course, but I want to at least try. Given that I've also already written a chapter on yet another new book, I think it's time I consider myself a serious writer. I'm always looking to improve, of course, but I think I'm at least as good as many of the published writers in my genre. All that's left, really, is people paying me for the pleasure of reading my stories, which is more a business effort than a creative one--and one I think I can handle.

So, yeah. I'm going to do that for the next several months--however long it takes to get picked by a birthfamily. Then I'll spend a year or so with the sprog while it's tiny and needs constant attention. Once that's all done--two years and change from now, prolly--I'll take a look at circumstances and decide then what to do about getting a proper paycheck again.

As I mentioned on FB, I don't want to go too long without having some sort of resume fodder--I'm far too practical of a person to screw myself over like that--but yes, I am going to take some time off for now. Honestly, we don't need the money. We DO need my sanity, and that was being sucked dry by that horrid job.

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The only downside, of course, is that it means we have less money for travel. I think I'm good on that front for the time being, though. As I mentioned, London took a lot out of me, and I think my days of hardcore traveling like that are done. Definitely a few other things we want to do--New England, Mexico and of course some regular Hawaii and Florida jaunts--but the long, transoceanic flights to cavernous airports? Not so much. Oz and NZ will have to wait until I have more bandwidth. Which prolly won't happen until the kid is travel-ready, which will be a while. I know I'll get itchy feet again--soon, even--but I think I can keep them satisfied on this continent for now.

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Speaking of the kid thing ... we're alllllmost done with the first half of the process. We've written the (enormous) check for the pool-entry fee, and tomorrow is the last of our home-study interviews. All that's left after this is getting a photo collage together and getting in a few reference letters, and we're good to go. I'm guessing another couple of weeks, tops, before I can point y'all to our profile page on the agency's waiting-parents site. I'm nervous as all hell, but also really looking forward to being done with this part of things. Idle waiting I can handle. Seven months of paperwork hell? Driving me bonkers.

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Have to remind myself: with at least a year of no real responsibilities, I don't HAVE to do everything on my to-do list in the next 48 hours. But oh, so tempted. The back yard, for one, has been begging for all sorts of attention. It's gotten some--there's a new batch of birdfeeders and a bunch of container garden stuff--but still needs more spiffing. It's rapidly becoming my favorite place to be on a nice day. It can be a bit noisy at times. There's all the games at the park across the street, a tiny bit of freeway noise from the 405 down the hill, and frequent Cessnas overhead (there's a small airport nearby.) But beyond that, it's actually very peaceful. Everything's green and lush and the birdies absolutely love it. We've had tons of hummingbirds this year so far, and I've counted every single kind of bird we've had back there before, plus a few new ones. Love it!

Also have some gaming to do, some fandom stuff (a few fics and vids) and a LOT of reading and movies/TV to catch up on. Also want to properly cook again. Planning to conduct the writing thing in a professional way--making sure I meet a daily wordcount--but beyond that, I'm squirming about having more freedom.

Honestly, this feels like I'm getting back to my real life--back to me. I think I've more than paid my working-world dues at this point. I want to work on the rest of who I am, now. I'm not getting any younger, and my health means I probably won't have many retirement years to do all this in. I'll be damned if I'm going to let any more of my life slip away in a tiny, flourescent-lit box if I don't absolutely have to.

So, since I haven't updated about this since my last bellyaching ...

I first sent mail to my teammate, confirming that it wasn't just me--there's really next to no work for us. In the middle of that, I also discovered something else that's a roadblock for the team, with larger-scale potential repercussions. So, I broke down and wrote a long mail to my boss about it all late last week.

Things post-mail are still settling out, so I don't really know what's next. But it does seem like our workload is slowing down to a trickle--and a trickle of stuff I really don't want to do. I already suggested that if this really is just a one-person job, then I'm happy to train my teammate on the stuff she doesn't know, and let her have it. Having my position go away due to budget reasons would be the best course of action, I think. It'd mean I wouldn't lose brownie points with my agency for quitting/breaking contract (and thus can get another one later if I want) but it'd also get me out of this mind-numbingly boring and degrading position I'm in now.

There is still a dilemma, though, and I've come to realize that it's why, despite the adoption process going well, despite the upcoming London trip, despite the great weather and everything else, I'm actually kind of miserable right now.

( Downwardly mobile dog )

It's weird to look around and see how much I have and yet still feel so desperate. I'm sure people look at my life and think I have it all, and wonder why I worry so much. But that's just the thing--I don't have it all. M does. This stuff isn't mine. It's his. And if we split up, it'd all go away. I'd keep some of the material goods, and we'd split whatever pittance we could get from selling the house, but that wouldn't last. He'd be perfectly fine--financially, at least--if we split. I'd be fucked. This is not how my life was supposed to go. I did well in school. I went to college. I worked like a dog as soon as I could, stopped only when my stupid body told me I had to, and started again as soon as I was able. This shouldn't be happening to me.

I suppose this is probably why I have so much sympathy for other people who are on various forms of public support. I know very well that but for the grace of my husband's paychecks, I'd be one of them. Not through any fault or laziness of my own, but just because this is how things are sometimes. Where you get in life is only about half what you put into it. The other half is where you start and fate. People who are fucked on that other half shouldn't be assumed to have fucked off on the effort part. Unless you're lucky enough to have 30 years of living expenses set away somewhere, anyone can come to ruin at any moment--even M could, if he lost his job. Sure, we could've lived closer to the edge all this time and saved more rainy-day money, but it wouldn't be enough to make that big of a difference, long-term (and the mental health benefits of travel, the safe, comfortable house, etc., go a long way to making the rest of it possible anyway. I don't regret what we've spent so far--it's been its own investment.)

So, no. It's not weird that I'm so worried about my future survival when my ability to support myself is so fragile.

At the moment, all my hope lies in one thing: being able to sell at least one of my novels, and write/sell more while I'm home with the little one. That doesn't pay a lot, either, but it's at least possibly steady work if I'm able to sell enough of one to get contracts for more. It's also something I could do while doing paycheck-earning work of other kinds until I got better established as a writer. Best of all, it would be something I could take pride in, rather than something that made me feel like a particularly technical worker bee.

But that's hardly a guarantee. And with the current gig having hit the iceberg, just waiting around for that lifeboat to maybe show up so I don't go down with this slowly sinking ship is agonizing.

Way too many maudlin, self-pity-riddled navel-gazing posts here lately. Keep meaning to get back to this as a proper, far-more-diversified blog space instead of the endless whinefest it seems to be turning into, but I keep getting distracted by other stuff. Just don't have the daily bandwidth for anything other than burst-spewing on Twitter (and occasionally FB) so it's only the long-form bellyaching that ends up here.

So! To try to remedy that, here are some actual recent highlights of the Marvelous Life of the Texty:

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Started the new job: About five weeks into it, now. It's boring. Rather more so than I expected. I'm also doing a lot more of the same button-monkey stuff I did before. Kind of feel like there's been a bait-and-switch, in that I expected more content generation and editorial decision-making than has actually been happening.

That said, what I'm doing is just different enough, and my duties are just interesting and few enough, that I think I can tolerate it, at least for the short term. It's a 12-month contract, and I'm not 100% sure I can finish that out (or at least go until I'm on family leave) but I think I can at least stick with it through the summer. Which will be useful in terms of money. Which, really, is the reason I took the job in the first place (that and plugging a growing CV gap.)

The money, of course is going to help with three big things ...

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Random health stuff: Got my hearing aids this past week, and have been adjusting to them over the last few days. I can't say as I actually like them just yet, since they're a really abnormal feeling to wear, but I am seeing an improvement. Actually asked M to turn down the TV today. Whoa.

Have a bunch of other little stuff that needs taking care of soon, though. New glasses. Dermatologist. Some other bits and bobs. Need to go back to the periodontist soon to get my bone graft done. By the time I get the actual implant (about a year from now) I'll probably be completely used to the giant space where that molar used to be.

The bone graft is going to cost us about $3k, and I'm sort of wondering how long I can put it off, because I'd much rather spend that money on ...

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Travel: Hooray for my paychecks, because it means we're being naughty and going back to London at the end of May. Holy carp. Have been wanting to go back since the moment we left, and when it turned out that a couple of my lovelies are doing a fan event (plus the play) ... well. I kinda had to. Yes, it's not the most responsible thing I've ever done, but dammit, I want to, and I can (if barely) so I'm gonna. Yes, yes, I should sock all this money away in retirement or college funds or something, but life's pretty damn short (and my available time/energy for travel even shorter) so I may as well.

It's a much shorter trip this time--nine days as opposed to three weeks--but it'll be 90% London, with perhaps a side trip or two to Brighton and/or Cardiff (and the con, which is in a small town about an hour-ish to the north.) Very, very much looking forward to being back, and getting a little more in-depth to the things we'd only skimmed over before.

Also hitting Comic-Con this year, though Dragon*Con isn't happening, due to my missing the hotel reservation thing, plus remembering how miserable I was last year in the cloying Atlanta heat. It just completely drains me, and I end up not having any fun at all. At least with San Diego, there are some nice ocean breezes. That, and I expect Game of Thrones people to be at SDCC, and I'm dying to meet those folks.

We might do more travel after that. Not sure, yet. If we do, it'll be domestic--something where we can hop right on a plane and head back at a moment's notice if we need to. Which could, theoretically, happen, due to ...

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Adoption Stuff: Hooray! We're officially on to the next phase! We have our first home study visit scheduled for mid-May. This will be the in-home thing where the social worker gets to know us better, checks off the "safe for kids" list for the house, and generally gets more of a picture of who we are, so we can start building the family profile that gets handed out to the birthfamilies. After that first meeting, there are individual meetings with each of us, then one more in-home followup. After that, assuming all the paperwork and such is in, then we finally get to enter the waiting pool!

Then starts the interminable wait. Last we talked to our counselor, she said the average wait was actually getting just a little longer, too: about a year for most, and 14+ months for same-sex couples (I assume we'll be on the far end of that, what with the openly queer thing.) Eep. Still, I'm guessing we'll be in the pool by the end of June at the latest, and might well be in adoption planning a year from now. Really, it all comes down to whether we look interesting enough to a birthmom. It's kind of like matchmaking: never know if you're going to be sitting around forever because no-one wants to dance, or whether that one, perfect mate is going to show up right off the bat.

Still, knowing that we're qualified, and just waiting to be picked--which will happen eventually--will be very nice. And I can certainly keep myself busy in the meantime, what with the job--if I can tolerate it that long--mucking around in the back yard, and maybe more ...

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Writing: Still waiting to get feedback from some beta readers for the novel, though M and D both loved it. Once I hear back from more folks, I'm going to work in whatever suggestions they give me, and then get it polished up for agent shopping.

I'd been considering shopping the first one around, but the more I think about it, the more I like this one better. Have more ideas for sequels, too. Also like its publishing chances better. No clue, of course, whether it'll get picked up, but I hope so. I'd rather have the resources of a proper editor and publisher than to try to self-publish and market it on my own. Self-publishing is easy, but rarely lucrative, because it's so hard to get your book noticed when it doesn't have the resources of a proper marketing team.

Have also been writing quite a lot more on my quasi-legit blog, including a piece on online socialization, and a bunch of yammering on about TV shows and social responsibility. Do similar stuff over on my Tumblr these days, but with more shameless fanthing drooling over picspams and other general flailing about ...

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Fandom life: Pretty darn busy right now, actually. In addition to my barely-coherent glee now that Game of Thrones is back on, I've been watching Eureka, The Borgias, Grimm, Fringe, Lost Girl and Criminal Minds. The big portion of my fanthing time, though, is going toward all the news and such for the Primeval spinoff that's filming in Vancouver right now. Got a chance to go up there for a con last weekend and see a panel with the new cast. They all seem like really nice folks, and I'm hopeful that the end product for this will be worth it for us fans of the original show. I think it's in good hands, at least.

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... and that's about it, really. Sleeping, working, writing, cooking, tending to the critters and the house, watching dorky TV shows, reading ... The usual. It's been pleasantly calm this month as opposed to the giant shitstorm from the end of last month. Hoping May is equally bland-but-satisfying.

Haven't done one of these in a while!

Digest version, for those in tl;dr mode: I wrote another book, our adoption process marches on, I have yet to get an offer for a W2-earning job and I'm dying for a proper vacation.

The long version:

( I wrote a book! Now, bring on the revision/publishing angst. )

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( I wrote another book. A while ago. And am also angsting about it. )

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On to other things which are just as fraught with Social Bullshit angst, but a different kind, at least.

( Adoption process update )

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( Not going back to chorus )

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( Still unemployed. Now slightly annoyed by that. )

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( I just need my own private jet so I can go whereever I want. )

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Other than all that, life goes on. Still playing video games, hanging out in various fan circles, grousing about politics, getting annoyed at the cats, blah blah. Getting things together for spring back-yard mucking, too. Slightly angsty and irritated at the world for big meta stuff, but otherwise in good nick.

So, if you've not kept up with my tl;dr rant and babble lately (and I wouldn't blame you), here's a condensed version of what's been going on in my life the last couple of months!

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The biggest thing, of course, is that we've got at least a rough plan for getting the adoption going. We've been sorting through agencies, and have found at least one that may be right for us. We have our first intro seminar dealio with them next Tuesday. Assuming that goes well (and it may or may not) we'll get going on the home study stuff soon after. That process will take a couple months, but we'll probably be on the waitlist sometime in January. Then? No clue how long it might take. Could be a long wait, though, since we're going to be pickier than some, and have a few not-so-attractive things as potential adoptive parents. Still more-than-slightly terrified, especially about getting cleared medically, but I'm crossing my fingers.

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The other big thing is that I'm singing again! I bit the bullet and joined up with SWC. Only a few rehearsals so far, but god, it feels good to be back. It's been ~4 years since I did any serious singing, and getting back into it is making me wonder why I ever stopped. (Well, I know why--time, burnout, scheduling fail, etc. Still.) I've been needing to feed my soul, and music is its preferred meal, so. Yeah. :) First concert's in February. We'll see what I do after that--will prolly depend on adoption stuff.

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Also still writing like a demon, though it's been ages since I did any fanfic. (Kind of fading interest a bit on the primary fandom. More on that in a bit.) Since I'm not working again yet, I decided to take advantage of the downtime and do NaNoWriMo this year. If you're over there, you can find me with this handle. I seem to be going well on my project so far--have topped 9,000 words in just four days, which is well ahead of their suggested pace. Helps that I put together a decent chapter outline for it in the middle of this, too.

Haven't done more agent shopping for the other novel, but I think I want to give it another edit and maybe a bit of expansion before I do. Have been letting it sit for a few months now, and fresh eyes wouldn't be a bad thing before I go dropping it on someone else.

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Khaleesi seems to be settling in fairly well. She's still shy of Otter, because he's an asshole and he's almost twice her size, but she gives him (well-earned) smacks on the nose pretty regularly. She's also basically a perfect cat. She's friendly, sweet, has perfect litterbox habits, etc. About her only flaw is that she scratches a lot. But she also responds well when she's scolded for it. Still considering whether we add another kitty--perhaps one more young one to take Otter's focus, so poor Penny doesn't get any harassment at all--but that may be a while yet.

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Have been diversifying my fandom interests, now that Primeval is on ice for at least the near future. A little burned out on it, to be honest. Still think the cast is adorable (though there's some behind-the-scenes stuff that has me a bit uncomfortable) and still keeping up with our fan groups, but I'm just spending more time on other stuff. Particularly, I've been dipping my toes into Game of Thrones/ASoIaF. Just finished the most recent book in the series, so I can finally go hunting fandom for it without risk of spoilers. Sadly, a lot of the fandom I've found so far seems heavily oriented toward dimwit fangirls. Which is kind of creepy, considering they're way too immature for this subject matter. Ah, well.

Elsewise, I'm watching Sanctuary, Fringe, Downton Abbey, Criminal Minds and a few other things here and there. Looking forward to more Leverage coming soon, too.

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My mandatory contract break is up, now, and my agency has pinged me about new possible assignments. I'm not sure I want to work again right away, though. We could use the extra money, but it's not critical, and I figure someone else needs that job more than we do right now. I may want to work again while we're in the adoption queue, but for now, I'd rather spend that time writing, catching up on sleep and watching the birdies in my back yard (of which there have been TONS this year.) I may change my mind if there's a really awesome assignment up, though.

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Also, I want to spend more time socializing. We had a way fun Halloween party, and I'm dying to do more of that. Not that I don't love my long-distance/online friends, but meatspace socializing really boosts me, and I need more of it than I get right now.

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Bed, however, is my main goal at the mo. Especially because Khaleesi just dropped an atom bomb in the litter box. Ugh. Night.

Am very post-partum-y right now. Things that have ended for me in the last several weeks, or will be ending soon:

-Any chance of pregnancy (the surgery)
-The big UK invasion
-Current job contract (a week from Thursday)
-Several of my favorite shows: Fringe, Camelot, Game of Thrones, Sanctuary (done), Ideal and Primeval (2 more eps each.) And the Primeval finale will probably be its last, ever, which is seriously depressing.

Plus, though it seems summer has finally arrived here (nice blue skies), it's also Solstice, which means the sun's now on its way out again. Sigh...

In some ways, I'm kind of looking forward to a couple of months without a major occupation of any sort. Gives me time to read, write, cook, park in the back yard, stare at birdies, socialize, traipse off to the coast, etc.

But I also know myself well enough to know I'll be twitchy, and wanting a new Big Thing to get into soon. My summer shows (True Blood, Leverage, Eureka, Warehouse 13, Torchwood) will keep me amused (as will continuing our Criminal Minds DVD run), but none of them are really appointment TV for me, nor do they inspire any delving into fandom. They're passive entertainment, in other words, and not the sort of hands-on stuff that I'd need.

There's the possible adoption, of course, but some of that depends on some money stuff we won't know about until September, so there isn't much we could do with that except for initial paperwork. Also will be shopping the novel around to agents, but that's not a time sink. And we have Dragon*Con and a potential fall Orlando trip, too, but those aren't major projects, either.

Kind of hoping that this lack of a Big Thing doesn't mess with my head, actually. When I'm not Doing! something, I start feeling useless and parasitic, and thus become an insufferable whiner (more than normal!) Might just have to make myself enjoy the sabbatical time, instead of feeling guilty for it. Ooo.

The biggest thing on my horizon at the moment, of course, is the fact that in 72 hours, I'll be on a plane on the way to London. Yay!

But I'm also looking ahead of that, since I've been tying up loose ends at work, and figuring out what I'll need to do there when I get back. And I'm realizing that I'm probably in for one hell of a bout of post-travel depression, because the adoption is the only big thing I can see in my near future, and hanging my hat solely on that isn't exactly a recipe for mental health.

( Don't mind me. Just feeling icky at the mo and need to write to get it out of my system )

In truth, I envy people who can content themselves with friends, family and a non-soul-sucking job that pays the bills. I've always--always--felt my life had to have something more. I've cut my expectations down from the worldwide fame and political power I imagined at age 10, yeah, but I still need something else--something uniquely mine--to point to. I have just this one life, and I have above-average skills in certain things, and I can't stand the idea of wasting that just... existing. I want to leave more of myself when I die than a kid, a paid-off mortgage and a crapload of vacation photos.

The question is: What?

Maybe three weeks on another continent will give me some epiphanies this direction. I hope so. I'm never content unless I'm working toward a big goal, and too much time being less than useful will drive me batty.

First off: *points to icon*

It's officially official. We've both been cleared by our bosses! Now just nailing down exact dates. At the moment, the most likely is May 20-June 10. Or thereabouts. We'll definitely be hitting the London Expo (already have tickets) and also doing a Duran Duran concert that weekend at the O2 (also already have tickets.) Haven't seen them live since 1984. Figured since I'm (almost) 40-going-on-13 these days, may as well go all in for it. (Heck, I may even go haunt the red carpet zone at the BAFTA TV thingy going on then, too, if my lad's stuff gets any noms.)

The specific itinerary for the trip still being worked out, apart from that weekend. Thusfar, I know for sure we want to hit Brighton, Bath (and yes, Stonehenge), Cardiff, Dublin and Leeds. Plus a bunch of touristy crap in London. Depending on timing/routes, we'll prolly also hit Glasgow and Belfast (or at least thereabouts; I want to see Giant's Causeway.) We'll likely also make some stops based on birding/caching/gardens stuff, and I hope to find a way to hook up with at least some of my fandom peeps (if not at the Expo, then some other way.)

I've decided to bite the bullet and rent a car while we're there. Not while we're in London--gods, no--but for the rest of the tour, I think it'll ultimately be easier than figuring out trains, etc. (especially with my somewhat-limited mobility.) Slightly terrified of getting used to things being on the "wrong" side, but if I start out in a smaller town (Leeds or Brighton) and make sure I have an automatic, I should be OK after a day or so's practice. Just hope I don't smash things up while I'm learning!

I can't believe we're actually doing this, though. First--and probably only--time for something this big. I've never done a three-week vacation before, never crossed the Atlantic, never been on a plane for more than 6 hours, and the only foreign country I've spent more than an afternoon in is Canada. So. Yeah. Big deal for me. *wibble*

( More updates )

Thanksgiving down. We did it early (Sunday), which turned out nicely, even though it was just the three of us. I admit one of these days I want to do a whole blowout with a dozen people or something, but as most of folks I know have family they do that with (and I don't), ain't gonna happen anytime soon. Ah, well.

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Sort of wish I could get together with folks more for other holiday stuff, too. Loved our New Year's Eve party last year. Maybe I should do that again. Or something similar. I haven't socialized with local folks nearly enough lately. That needs to change. Pity everyone's usually on serious social burnout this time of year.

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Spent the entirety of last week working from home, thanks to the weather. It was... OK, it was a bit of a nightmare, because my publishing tools don't work great remotely, plus the whole system was bogged down because everyone else was remoting in, too. That said, it was nicer than having to try to go into the office on icy roads. I'm very glad I wasn't one of the poor slobs who had a 6-hour commute last week. Horrible.

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Work in general is getting to year-end crunch time now. Tons of year in review content to get up on top of my usual stuff, which is going to keep me beyond busy for the next couple of weeks. Might get in some overtime at least.

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This is all quite frustrating for other reasons, too, namely the fact that there's a metric buttload of new fandom stuff going on right now: The new Primeval is around the corner, Andrew just posted a new short film, and my other shows are getting in some awesome episodes, too (plus some will be airing holiday episodes in the next couple of weeks. Eep!) Damn work, getting in the way of my fanthinging!

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I'd probably be less frustrated about this if I wasn't so disgusted by some of the stuff I have to do for work. Don't get me wrong, I like that I'm employed (even if it is on contract), and I like that they pay me well. I even like that I get to work with entertainment content. What I don't like is the fact that we have to pander to lowest-common-denominator audiences sometimes, which means some truly trashy content on a regular basis. Bleh. I want to work in entertainment media because I love the creative work that talented folks making movies, TV and music can do. I don't exactly enjoy pushing the careers of untalented bimbos who get attention from some cheapass reality show. I'm watching the decline and fall of Western Civilization from up close this way (and am probably helping it along) and that really grates on me.

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That's probably a large part of why I'm in such a funk right now (as I mentioned yesterday.) There's the usual weather/low light thing, and the wtf did I do with my life this year thing (about which I'll prolly post separately later) but also just... I feel dirty right now. Like I'm being a hypocrite by pimping the sort of thing that I've spent so much energy fighting against most of my life. Obviously, I have some choice in the matter, but if I want to make enough money to buy myself a kid (and reach some of the other goals we have) this is what I have to do. I can't do this any other way right now because the jobs just aren't out there. But that does kind of mean I'm a sellout, which really bothers me.

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There is some hope on the horizon, though--or will be as long as I get my ass in gear. I've still been managing to squeeze in some work on my novel here and there, and cranked out ~3,700 words/a new chapter in just a few hours yesterday. The story is really starting to take shape, and the more I work on it, the happier I am with it. There really is nothing else quite like it out there right now, even though it's familiar enough territory to be sellable, and I think it can at least get me an agent. As long as I have the time/mental energy to work on it, I'm hoping I can have it at least in rough draft stage within a few more months. I'm hoping something comes of it eventually, at least, because that's the only thing I have right now keeping me from feeling like I've wasted my entire year frittering away on fandom and other nonsense.

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On a completely different note: Apparently, my totem animal is a raccoon. In addition to the staring contests I had with 3 (!) of the little guys a few months back at Point Defiance, we had one show up on our back step last night to chow down on some cat food we'd left there for one of the local ferals/strays. My goodness but s/he was bold. Wasn't the least bit afraid of Otter, who was downright livid about the whole thing, and held eye contact with us pretty much the entire time. I admit: I kind of love the fact that we live close enough to a major greenbelt that we get a lot of critters running around. It's like being out in the wilderness while we're still 3 minutes from the freeway.

Because I would spend the entire weekend pasted off my ass.

It's been good to be so busy (aka distracted) this week, but I can feel a weekend of stress-induced exhaustion and maudlin navel-gazing coming on.

Maybe I'll just park in my tub instead.