Texty

Just scanned the introvert quiz posted by thefirstalicat and was unsurprised to see I scored relatively high. However, there were a few items that were not only not true for me, but were an emphatic "no."

See, I'm a weird combo of introvert (or Aspie, possibly) and ADD. I adore multitasking, for instance, and am hardly a slow-and-thoughtful speaker. I have a hard time finishing things, I'm impulsive and I always have six dozen different projects in various states of completion. It's actually quite hard to get me to shut up when I'm chattering along with people I like on subjects that interest me.

But it may be because I'm so scattered and chaotic to begin with that adding more people into that mix is maddening for me. The more people around when I'm trying to get something done, the less likely I am to do so. Every person around me is another demand for my attention, and since there are usually a dozen of those just on baseline, I quickly get overwhelmed and shut down. And if the people in question don't have significant value in some way or other, I actually get angry. I absolutely hate the idea of working in a "collaborative environment" (read: open-office plan) because the constant buzz and nonsensical chitchat around me would make it impossible to get anything done. (Oh, gee. I've gravitated toward being a writer. Duh. ;) )

I'm somewhat less upset when there's order to a crowd, and when I'm somewhat separated from it. I adore performing, for instance, even though there are people everywhere, because it's something I have control over, and something that has a rehearsed, set order of business and social expectations. The audience is expected to shut up and let me do my thing, and to react when and how I want them to. There's little danger of them getting in my face and throwing me off my game, which is what happens with virtually every other kind of work I've ever tried to do that involves being around other people.

I think this may be why I didn't quite succeed in a traditional journalism career. I can think on my feet and react to breaking news in an instant. I can keep multiple plates spinning. I can, actually, handle the buzz and chaos of a newsroom, because it's a tightly coordinated dance in which everyone plays a part. But when it comes to going out there and managing the public for first-person reporting? I'm entirely useless. Park me in a corner of the newsroom and let me go to town researching data, checking facts or editing copy/layout/photos/code, and I'm perfectly content. But throw me out with a voice recorder and notepad and tell me to get in the middle of a news event? Oh, good lord. Panic city. Reporting class was the one thing I was miserable in, because there was too much being-naked-in-public stuff for me.

I've worried a little bit about how I'm going to handle parenting, since little kids aren't exactly predictable, and they don't easily understand the whole "Mama's working. If you're not bleeding, go away" thing. But I think that'll be different for me than it is with adults. If you're old enough to know that I don't like being disturbed when I'm working, and you do it any way? I will set you on fire. If you're three and are just so damned excited about learning how to somersault that just you HAVE to show me? Fair enough. Though I will do my best to train you to understand those boundaries, as part of a general "learning how to respect others" education.

So, yeah. I dunno if I'm introverted so much as just avoiding the mental monkey wrench that other people throw in my works. I like people, but I get really, really angry with those who think that they have the right to interrupt what others are doing for any reason other than something vital. I get that others thrive on collaboration and constant feedback and interaction. I respect their desires to have jobs and working/social environments that support that. But I also expect people to respect that I'm completely the opposite. If I tell you that I need to work alone, for the love of fuck, let me work alone.