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textualdevianceAfter having a privacy scare on FB today, I'm questioning whether living so much of my daily online life there is wise. Obviously, it's where "everyone" is, and there are a lot of people I'd miss out on keeping up with if I wasn't there, but it's also a very mixed environment, and hard to really let go and be myself without risking some pretty icky blowback from time to time.
I think I've plugged the hole for now by unfriending most of the people I don't feel I can be open and honest with, and choosing to make most of my posts friends-only. Still, I think I may well back off of posting/interacting there as much as I have, simply because I dislike the eggshell-tiptoeing dance. Especially when it comes to issues of politics, gender, etc., my personal positions on these are very nuanced, and on the surface, very likely to piss off a lot of people who don't understand why and how I feel the way I feel. I don't think FB is the right venue for that. Though, really, neither are Twitter and Tumblr, and I still spew there, too.
If it were up to me, I'd drag people back here to LJ, because I strongly feel that its format and privacy controls are the most ideal I've seen of any social media out there. But it does seem to be dying, except for a contingent of fanfic-oriented folks, which is sad. So, because social media is supposed to be social, I do most of my "me" stuff on FB, most of my stream-of-consciousness politcs/chit-chatting with celebrities on Twitter, most of my fanthing squee on Tumblr, and most of my formal political/metacultural rambling on my "legit" blog. Because that's where the people I want to share those things with are. Not here, dangit.
Still, this is the one place I have where I feel like I can actually babble and bellyache to my heart's content. I'm not limited by space issues, nor by having an audience that wants me to shut up and post more pics of cute actors, nor by conservative old friends/distant relatives who think I'm going to hell because I'm a queer, atheist, feminist Obama supporter.
Honestly, I hate feeling so compartmentalized and scattered, though. I would love to be able to be all of who I am whereever I go--online or off--and not have to worry about icky potential consequences (or just annoying the crap out of people.) I frankly hate being closeted, which is what a lot of this really is, but I do feel like I don't have much choice. Of course, true friends will accept everything I am, but that doesn't mean that everyone I want to interact with is up for the whole enchilada. I'll always have to hold some things back to keep the peace or make sure I'm employable, or not bore the shit out of fellow fans with my unrelated babble when they'd rather talk fandom. And I always feel I have to hold back some things just to avoid the raging mobs of people who think it's OK to stalk and harass (and worse) people they disagree with. I still bear the scars of Fandom Wank. Not interested in attracting that kind of Mean Girl mob.
If I were braver, I'd just be myself anyway, and if people don't like it, they're entitled to skip the post, unfriend, stop following, move on, blah blah blah. But I'm also aware of context-appropriate behavior and communication. Spamming my RL FB friends with my fanthing squee would probably irritate the daylights out of them. Spamming my fandom friends with my political rants probably irritates them, too. I'd rather not hide who I am and what I think and like to do from certain groups of people, but that doesn't necessarily mean that exercising each aspect to its fullest extent is going to be appropriate in all fora.
But yeah. LJ is definitely the one place that comes damned close to being appropriate for all of this. There are enough personal friends here to warrant my maudlin navel-gazing babble and stupid pics of my cats; enough like-minded political and feminist sorts to feel free to be open about that; and certainly plenty of fandom folks who get my need to squee (and, much to my great delight, there are people here who fall into all three categories.) Just a pity that it's not as populated as it was 10 years ago.
I think I've plugged the hole for now by unfriending most of the people I don't feel I can be open and honest with, and choosing to make most of my posts friends-only. Still, I think I may well back off of posting/interacting there as much as I have, simply because I dislike the eggshell-tiptoeing dance. Especially when it comes to issues of politics, gender, etc., my personal positions on these are very nuanced, and on the surface, very likely to piss off a lot of people who don't understand why and how I feel the way I feel. I don't think FB is the right venue for that. Though, really, neither are Twitter and Tumblr, and I still spew there, too.
If it were up to me, I'd drag people back here to LJ, because I strongly feel that its format and privacy controls are the most ideal I've seen of any social media out there. But it does seem to be dying, except for a contingent of fanfic-oriented folks, which is sad. So, because social media is supposed to be social, I do most of my "me" stuff on FB, most of my stream-of-consciousness politcs/chit-chatting with celebrities on Twitter, most of my fanthing squee on Tumblr, and most of my formal political/metacultural rambling on my "legit" blog. Because that's where the people I want to share those things with are. Not here, dangit.
Still, this is the one place I have where I feel like I can actually babble and bellyache to my heart's content. I'm not limited by space issues, nor by having an audience that wants me to shut up and post more pics of cute actors, nor by conservative old friends/distant relatives who think I'm going to hell because I'm a queer, atheist, feminist Obama supporter.
Honestly, I hate feeling so compartmentalized and scattered, though. I would love to be able to be all of who I am whereever I go--online or off--and not have to worry about icky potential consequences (or just annoying the crap out of people.) I frankly hate being closeted, which is what a lot of this really is, but I do feel like I don't have much choice. Of course, true friends will accept everything I am, but that doesn't mean that everyone I want to interact with is up for the whole enchilada. I'll always have to hold some things back to keep the peace or make sure I'm employable, or not bore the shit out of fellow fans with my unrelated babble when they'd rather talk fandom. And I always feel I have to hold back some things just to avoid the raging mobs of people who think it's OK to stalk and harass (and worse) people they disagree with. I still bear the scars of Fandom Wank. Not interested in attracting that kind of Mean Girl mob.
If I were braver, I'd just be myself anyway, and if people don't like it, they're entitled to skip the post, unfriend, stop following, move on, blah blah blah. But I'm also aware of context-appropriate behavior and communication. Spamming my RL FB friends with my fanthing squee would probably irritate the daylights out of them. Spamming my fandom friends with my political rants probably irritates them, too. I'd rather not hide who I am and what I think and like to do from certain groups of people, but that doesn't necessarily mean that exercising each aspect to its fullest extent is going to be appropriate in all fora.
But yeah. LJ is definitely the one place that comes damned close to being appropriate for all of this. There are enough personal friends here to warrant my maudlin navel-gazing babble and stupid pics of my cats; enough like-minded political and feminist sorts to feel free to be open about that; and certainly plenty of fandom folks who get my need to squee (and, much to my great delight, there are people here who fall into all three categories.) Just a pity that it's not as populated as it was 10 years ago.
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It's like texting on a wider scale and I hate texting.
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I actually came to LJ through you, or rather your LotR site; it suits me just fine. Again, none of my RL friends read my LJ posts (unless I steer them to it, plus a couple of LJ friends who never post are also RL friends from the past, not so much in my present life), and my few LJ friends are strangers to me in RL except for one, who lives not far and whom I've so far met once. Which also suits me fine; my friends have always been people from different strands of my life, who know each other only through me. Now, and here, of course, it's different, most of my RL friends here were Chris's friends before and knew each other in many other ways (including being siblings of each other in several cases {g}), but friends I still have from my pre-Montreal life are still only connected to each other, if at all, through me.
So I guess my need for community is more loosely defined than yours {g}, and as such, LJ serves as a place for me to write out what I'm thinking, when I may not want to talk it out with RL people - or not yet, anyway.... Long live LJ, I say!