Dec. 9th, 2011 12:35 pm
So, in my dream, Christian Kane ...
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textualdeviance... said something rude that I heard out of context and thought was an insult to me (I was on set with him for some reason, you see, and overheard this.) I was pissed off enough that I started raging at him, told him to fuck completely off, and started an online "CK is an Asshat" campaign.
Oddly, he was actually impressed by this, and sent me an email apologizing for what he'd said, and asking if he could make it up to me somehow.
So the next time they were back in my neck of the woods for pickup filming, he came over. I made him cookies and we chatted for a while. The insult in question was a looks thing, and he'd come to realize that that was a stupid thing to say in general, even in the innocuous context I'd missed. I explained that that kind of language was hurtful because it leads people to believe that women who don't look a certain way are unworthy of sex/love/etc., and he agreed. He said he was ashamed of having said what he did, because he actually didn't feel that way at all himself.
And then he started giving me dating advice. He pointed out that even if a woman doesn't have that kind of look, she can still be attractive to the right people.
He said, "So, what do 'unattractive' guys have that attracts a mate?"
And I said, "Money and power. But a) few women have much of that on their own, b) most men don't want that from women, because they either have it themselves, or it makes them feel inadequate to be less rich and powerful than a woman."
He conceded the point. But then said, "But that's not the only thing, because even guys who aren't especially wealthy or powerful have wives and girlfriends. So what do you think it is that's attracting those women?"
"Well," I said, "I can think of a lot of guys I've been attracted to who were blindingly smart, funny as hell, talented in something, loving, kind to those in need, honest, loyal, honorable, etc. And that attracted me to them regardless of what they looked like or how much money or status they had."
So then he smiled, and said, "Well, there you go."
"OK, in theory," I said, "I get that. But men are supposedly more visually oriented than women. Some might prefer women with all those non-physical traits, but they'd just as soon have one who's also a hottie, right? And that goes doubly if the guy in question is particularly attractive or rich/powerful himself. He can have his pick of foxy women. And even though a lot of said foxy women aren't particularly interesting aside from that--since pretty girls are often raised to believe they don't need anything other than their looks to get by--enough of them are that why would a guy with that kind of choice go for a woman who just has the personality?"
"Ah, but that's the key," he said. "A lot of men have the power to choose these women, and, as you say, there aren't a lot of them out there. They also tend to be less obvious about it, because their looks are what brings people in. Which means that the average guy who wants more can sift through dozens of pretty girls before he finds the one in 10 who has the personality, too. And that's assuming she's not already taken. On the other hand, women who don't have looks as a stock in trade not only develop richer and more interesting personalities to begin with, but are a lot more open about it, too. One very pretty girl in a room full of average women will stand out. But one exceptional woman in a room full of pretty-but-probably-bland ones will, too."
"You've lost me," I said.
He leaned in close, and smiled. "When you're an attractive, rich or powerful guy, virtually all of the women you're surrounded by are the pretty-but-bland ones. They're starfuckers or gold diggers or high-maintenance princesses. After a while, all those leggy fake blondes start melting into one, completely unremarkable clone. Shallow guys? They don't care. They like the clone thing, and don't care if they have to trade one in 10 years down the road for a younger model, alimony or no. Not-shallow guys? It's a nightmare. So when we do meet one who isn't a clone, well, she stands out."
"Oh. So what you're saying, then--"
"Is that an average, non-princess woman who has no compunctions about telling me to go fuck myself when I've screwed up, and then invites me over for cookies and a chat? Is just about the most attractive woman I've ever met."
Cue in-dream porn soundtrack
***
Why my brain chose Christian Kane to give me a Valuable Life Lesson about romance, I have no damned idea. I woke up giggling. But also rather more educated about why M's with me. I think.
Whatever. My brain let me shag Eliot Spencer. I'm down with that. ;)
Oddly, he was actually impressed by this, and sent me an email apologizing for what he'd said, and asking if he could make it up to me somehow.
So the next time they were back in my neck of the woods for pickup filming, he came over. I made him cookies and we chatted for a while. The insult in question was a looks thing, and he'd come to realize that that was a stupid thing to say in general, even in the innocuous context I'd missed. I explained that that kind of language was hurtful because it leads people to believe that women who don't look a certain way are unworthy of sex/love/etc., and he agreed. He said he was ashamed of having said what he did, because he actually didn't feel that way at all himself.
And then he started giving me dating advice. He pointed out that even if a woman doesn't have that kind of look, she can still be attractive to the right people.
He said, "So, what do 'unattractive' guys have that attracts a mate?"
And I said, "Money and power. But a) few women have much of that on their own, b) most men don't want that from women, because they either have it themselves, or it makes them feel inadequate to be less rich and powerful than a woman."
He conceded the point. But then said, "But that's not the only thing, because even guys who aren't especially wealthy or powerful have wives and girlfriends. So what do you think it is that's attracting those women?"
"Well," I said, "I can think of a lot of guys I've been attracted to who were blindingly smart, funny as hell, talented in something, loving, kind to those in need, honest, loyal, honorable, etc. And that attracted me to them regardless of what they looked like or how much money or status they had."
So then he smiled, and said, "Well, there you go."
"OK, in theory," I said, "I get that. But men are supposedly more visually oriented than women. Some might prefer women with all those non-physical traits, but they'd just as soon have one who's also a hottie, right? And that goes doubly if the guy in question is particularly attractive or rich/powerful himself. He can have his pick of foxy women. And even though a lot of said foxy women aren't particularly interesting aside from that--since pretty girls are often raised to believe they don't need anything other than their looks to get by--enough of them are that why would a guy with that kind of choice go for a woman who just has the personality?"
"Ah, but that's the key," he said. "A lot of men have the power to choose these women, and, as you say, there aren't a lot of them out there. They also tend to be less obvious about it, because their looks are what brings people in. Which means that the average guy who wants more can sift through dozens of pretty girls before he finds the one in 10 who has the personality, too. And that's assuming she's not already taken. On the other hand, women who don't have looks as a stock in trade not only develop richer and more interesting personalities to begin with, but are a lot more open about it, too. One very pretty girl in a room full of average women will stand out. But one exceptional woman in a room full of pretty-but-probably-bland ones will, too."
"You've lost me," I said.
He leaned in close, and smiled. "When you're an attractive, rich or powerful guy, virtually all of the women you're surrounded by are the pretty-but-bland ones. They're starfuckers or gold diggers or high-maintenance princesses. After a while, all those leggy fake blondes start melting into one, completely unremarkable clone. Shallow guys? They don't care. They like the clone thing, and don't care if they have to trade one in 10 years down the road for a younger model, alimony or no. Not-shallow guys? It's a nightmare. So when we do meet one who isn't a clone, well, she stands out."
"Oh. So what you're saying, then--"
"Is that an average, non-princess woman who has no compunctions about telling me to go fuck myself when I've screwed up, and then invites me over for cookies and a chat? Is just about the most attractive woman I've ever met."
Cue in-dream porn soundtrack
***
Why my brain chose Christian Kane to give me a Valuable Life Lesson about romance, I have no damned idea. I woke up giggling. But also rather more educated about why M's with me. I think.
Whatever. My brain let me shag Eliot Spencer. I'm down with that. ;)
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