Aug. 12th, 2011 03:53 pm
State of the Texty: Home Alone Edition
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textualdevianceSix weeks into my summer sabbatical, and enjoying it, for the most part. Currently parked in the back yard on a lovely afternoon enjoying the fresh air and sunshine and birdsong and dragonflies and bumblebees. And my spiffy laptop and our awesome wireless. ;) There's something really calming about having my own green space to chill out in--at least when the weather's nice. Even enjoying doing a bit of tending of my little kitchen garden. This year, in addition to the herbs, we have tomatoes, two kinds of peppers, lemon cucumbers, yellow watermelon, Hubbard squash and raspberries, blueberries and strawberries. Oh, and a little tree that's supposed to produce something called a limequat. So far, the only thing that we've harvested is strawberries--the plant we have is very prolific--but we have tomatoes and peppers growing, the blueberry bush is absolutely bursting with stuff that should be ripening in the next few weeks, and everything else has at least flowered. Hoping there's enough summer left to get at least something out of most of them.
***
I think I've gotten past the initial panic about not having enough time to do everything before I have to go back to work/start raising a youngun (more on that in a bit), so now I'm just taking it easy and doing what I want/need to do as the mood strikes me.
***
In the last few days, at least, that's meant some writing. I've been doing a fairly extensive project of assembling all of my fics in a particular storyline into a single-narrative novel form, to eventually be turned into an ebook (among other formats.) At the moment, there are about 90,000 words in the thing, and it'll probably get up to 100k by the time it's all finished. I've also been spending quite a bit of time editing it. Even though most of the existing fics are already live elsewhere, I'm doing a bit of nip and tuck on this version both to fit the narrative form and to clean up a few things here and there (British spelling, for instance. I keep forgetting the U's and S's and such. Bleh.)
Given how thoroughly trashy this thing is, it's not like I'm considering it a magnum opus or anything, but I am, in some strange way, kind of proud of it. Naughtiness aside, I think I've written a pretty decent--if somewhat angsty and soap-opera-y---story, and also managed to weave it into the existing canon fairly well, which is somewhat unusual for fic. Not because fic writers aren't skilled enough, mind, but because most people just chuck canon out the window and write what they want. Me, I love fanfic because I like filling in the gaps and telling the stories that don't get told. I like thinking about the behind the scenes and character studies and such that just didn't make it to the screen. I like expanding the canon world into three dimensions. And yes, I like the mental images. Sue me. ;) I suppose there are better things I could do with my time and writing, depending on whom one asks. And what I'm writing is an unusual enough scenario that even within the fandom it's not got a lot of interest. But in its purposes for both writing practice and keeping me off the streets, this stuff's done its job, so I'm relatively content with it.
***
The editing process on this thing has been made somewhat easier the last 24 hours by the fact that both M and D are out of town at the mo, so I have the house all to myself for the weekend. D is off camping with his boyfriend and M's in PDX for a quasi family reunion. Technically, I probably should've joined, but I can't help it. I just can't take being around his family for more than a few minutes at a time. Any longer, and I risk saying what I really think to his dad, which would do a lot more harm than good. One of these days, I need to meet my niece (especially as his sister already has another kid on the way) but it'll have to be under different circumstances.
***
And speaking of kids, I think I'm past that initial WTF am I doing thing as far as the adoption's concerned. In a weird way, the conflict I had on this subject a few days ago actually sort of lit a fire under me, and now I'm determined to do it just because there are plenty of people who think I shouldn't. My trepidation really hasn't been on whether I have the ability to do it. I know I can, even though I'll need a bit of help early on and I know I'll make rookie mistakes like anyone else. No, mostly it's been about whether I really want to dedicate the next 5-10 years of my life to doing that and only that. Or at least mostly that. I've kind of gotten spoiled a bit by the DINK thing, and just wasn't really sure I wanted to trade my quiet life of easy spontenaety for diapers and screaming. After all, one of the biggest reasons we have cats instead of dogs is that they're largely self-sufficient, and if we feel like suddenly taking off for a weekend, we can. My fear was that if I do this, I'm saying goodbye to that forever, as I don't expect to have a very long lifespan.
But then I got to thinking: Even with the health problems I have, I also genetically take after my dad and his family. And those people? Live forever, even if they theoretically seem like they shouldn't. My grandfather died at 71, but grandma made it to 92, and my dad and all his siblings are still alive (knock on wood), despite having a large assortment of just about every health problem known to mankind. If my dad can make it to 71 despite all the terrible things his body's been through (too numerous to list), then I probably can, too. I may be fat and slow and have a bunch of other stuff going on, but most of that's well-managed (the surgery, btw, was a terrific success) and tolerable, if not great. And really: I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do caffeine, don't eat mammals, get plenty of sleep, have full access to health care and a happy marriage. I'm way ahead of most Americans and most of the rest of my family just on those things alone. So, yeah. Chances are pretty good that my health-nut mom will outlive me (barring accidents) but I still have more than 20 years left, I think.
So, that being the case? Hey, why not do the parenting thing? We can start traveling again once the kid's old enough to be reasoned with, we should be able to afford at least a little help for the early months, and between the three of us, we can keep the rest of the domestic situation under control. (If we don't scare off D with the kid, that is. ;) ) I may not live to see any grandkids, but I should be able to see the kid through college, and have a decent career/rest of my adult life as well. And I think that's good enough.
So, now we're just waiting to see what M's annual review numbers look like so we can get an idea of budget for this, and then we're going to start the process. Probably another six weeks out, maybe, barring any unforeseen delays.
***
Gotta admit: I'm actually enjoying 40 so far. It's kind of like having a license to not give a shit what the world thinks anymore. Yeah, they still do care, but I'm out to pasture as far as the must-be-decorative pressure goes just based on age alone, so the rest of it doesn't matter as much. I think I've been a brassy old broad since I was 20. Nice to finally be the right age for it. :)
***
I think I've gotten past the initial panic about not having enough time to do everything before I have to go back to work/start raising a youngun (more on that in a bit), so now I'm just taking it easy and doing what I want/need to do as the mood strikes me.
***
In the last few days, at least, that's meant some writing. I've been doing a fairly extensive project of assembling all of my fics in a particular storyline into a single-narrative novel form, to eventually be turned into an ebook (among other formats.) At the moment, there are about 90,000 words in the thing, and it'll probably get up to 100k by the time it's all finished. I've also been spending quite a bit of time editing it. Even though most of the existing fics are already live elsewhere, I'm doing a bit of nip and tuck on this version both to fit the narrative form and to clean up a few things here and there (British spelling, for instance. I keep forgetting the U's and S's and such. Bleh.)
Given how thoroughly trashy this thing is, it's not like I'm considering it a magnum opus or anything, but I am, in some strange way, kind of proud of it. Naughtiness aside, I think I've written a pretty decent--if somewhat angsty and soap-opera-y---story, and also managed to weave it into the existing canon fairly well, which is somewhat unusual for fic. Not because fic writers aren't skilled enough, mind, but because most people just chuck canon out the window and write what they want. Me, I love fanfic because I like filling in the gaps and telling the stories that don't get told. I like thinking about the behind the scenes and character studies and such that just didn't make it to the screen. I like expanding the canon world into three dimensions. And yes, I like the mental images. Sue me. ;) I suppose there are better things I could do with my time and writing, depending on whom one asks. And what I'm writing is an unusual enough scenario that even within the fandom it's not got a lot of interest. But in its purposes for both writing practice and keeping me off the streets, this stuff's done its job, so I'm relatively content with it.
***
The editing process on this thing has been made somewhat easier the last 24 hours by the fact that both M and D are out of town at the mo, so I have the house all to myself for the weekend. D is off camping with his boyfriend and M's in PDX for a quasi family reunion. Technically, I probably should've joined, but I can't help it. I just can't take being around his family for more than a few minutes at a time. Any longer, and I risk saying what I really think to his dad, which would do a lot more harm than good. One of these days, I need to meet my niece (especially as his sister already has another kid on the way) but it'll have to be under different circumstances.
***
And speaking of kids, I think I'm past that initial WTF am I doing thing as far as the adoption's concerned. In a weird way, the conflict I had on this subject a few days ago actually sort of lit a fire under me, and now I'm determined to do it just because there are plenty of people who think I shouldn't. My trepidation really hasn't been on whether I have the ability to do it. I know I can, even though I'll need a bit of help early on and I know I'll make rookie mistakes like anyone else. No, mostly it's been about whether I really want to dedicate the next 5-10 years of my life to doing that and only that. Or at least mostly that. I've kind of gotten spoiled a bit by the DINK thing, and just wasn't really sure I wanted to trade my quiet life of easy spontenaety for diapers and screaming. After all, one of the biggest reasons we have cats instead of dogs is that they're largely self-sufficient, and if we feel like suddenly taking off for a weekend, we can. My fear was that if I do this, I'm saying goodbye to that forever, as I don't expect to have a very long lifespan.
But then I got to thinking: Even with the health problems I have, I also genetically take after my dad and his family. And those people? Live forever, even if they theoretically seem like they shouldn't. My grandfather died at 71, but grandma made it to 92, and my dad and all his siblings are still alive (knock on wood), despite having a large assortment of just about every health problem known to mankind. If my dad can make it to 71 despite all the terrible things his body's been through (too numerous to list), then I probably can, too. I may be fat and slow and have a bunch of other stuff going on, but most of that's well-managed (the surgery, btw, was a terrific success) and tolerable, if not great. And really: I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do caffeine, don't eat mammals, get plenty of sleep, have full access to health care and a happy marriage. I'm way ahead of most Americans and most of the rest of my family just on those things alone. So, yeah. Chances are pretty good that my health-nut mom will outlive me (barring accidents) but I still have more than 20 years left, I think.
So, that being the case? Hey, why not do the parenting thing? We can start traveling again once the kid's old enough to be reasoned with, we should be able to afford at least a little help for the early months, and between the three of us, we can keep the rest of the domestic situation under control. (If we don't scare off D with the kid, that is. ;) ) I may not live to see any grandkids, but I should be able to see the kid through college, and have a decent career/rest of my adult life as well. And I think that's good enough.
So, now we're just waiting to see what M's annual review numbers look like so we can get an idea of budget for this, and then we're going to start the process. Probably another six weeks out, maybe, barring any unforeseen delays.
***
Gotta admit: I'm actually enjoying 40 so far. It's kind of like having a license to not give a shit what the world thinks anymore. Yeah, they still do care, but I'm out to pasture as far as the must-be-decorative pressure goes just based on age alone, so the rest of it doesn't matter as much. I think I've been a brassy old broad since I was 20. Nice to finally be the right age for it. :)
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no subject
Also your garden sounds amazing. I look forward to having my own place someday just so I can't try a garden like that myself.
no subject
And the garden is really kind of fun, even if it's small. I grew up in a desert, so having green things to grow is still a treat for me. :)
no subject
I know a million questions.... when I was going through school, I did a paper on the adoption of Asian girls. It was part of the Sociology side of my degree.
no subject
As for the other stuff, I have a slight preference for a boy, if only because there's so much cultural baggage as far as girls are concerned. There's pressure on boys, too, of course, but we have a lot of people in our life to act as good role models for how to be a male grownup who isn't a macho ass. We have good female friends, but not anyone close enough that my daughter wouldn't be influenced more by pop culture representations of how to be female, and I'd spend a lot more time fighting that off directly instead of just doing the subtle example thing, which could backfire.
That said, we'll take whatever gets offered first.
Theoretically, we're open to any race. We don't have any personal objections, of course. On a practical level, however, it could be tricky. There are some broader issues with transracial adoptions in regard to ensuring that the child has plenty of connection with his/her cultural origins, and I'm not sure we'd be able to properly provide that. We live in a fairly mixed-race neighborhood, but most of our friends are white, and we don't have a lot of direct experience outside of our own cultures.
This isn't by choice, FWIW. Just how things have naturally settled out based on where we live and who we are. The NW is pretty overwhelmingly white to begin with (though we don't have a single dominant non-white group and therefore we have a great deal more racial diversity overall than a lot of places) and the geek/queer cultures we spend most of our time in are even more majority white than that. We're around quite a lot of East and South Asians--including first generations who came here for the tech jobs--but other than that, it's pretty monocultural. Even though we'd do our best to correct this, and try to make those connections for our kid's sake, I'm not sure it would be enough, and it would be a lot less natural of a process than if we had those connections already.
So, if transracial seems to be our best/primary option, we'll go there, but if we have a choice, we probably won't. I just don't think it would be fair to the kid to have a couple of sadly whitebread parents making clumsy attempts at cultural education.
As for the agency stuff, at the moment, we're looking at a place that's sort of a multi-agency coordinator, because we're otherwise not quite sure where to start. We could do the agency that our friends used for their son, but I'm not sure I want to do a fully open adoption like they did. I'd rather do something that's semi-closed: I don't mind some level of contact, but I don't want to include the birth parents as part of the extended family.
This is primarily because I think it'd be too confusing for the kid, and also because I don't want to take on the birth parents' baggage. Also, I'm kind of uncomfortable with the very idea of open visitation adoption anyway. It feels like the birth parents in those cases really don't want to give up their kids, and are only doing so because they feel they have to. I don't want to feel like I'm stealing someone's kid just because they're too young or poor to handle it. Would much rather have a kid that someone just plain doesn't want. Reminds her of an ex, or she doesn't like kids, etc. My ideal situation would be someone whose birth control efforts failed, and who's no longer together with the father, and who's 10 years out from having any actual mothering instincts herself, so she'd rather just hand it off and go out and get her doctorate or something.
Not easy to find that, because adoption is so birth-parents centered these days, but that's pretty much the only option we have, so, yeah.
Definitely looking forward to the end result of having a small human to turn into a self-sufficient adult, but not looking forward to the process of getting one. :(