Feb. 14th, 2011 06:13 pm
Addendum: Re: Social spaces
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textualdevianceI consider myself a good, bleeding heart progressive. I genuinely care about people, especially people who have been handed a raw deal in life, and who need the help of others to get by. I have no problem paying taxes, supporting social services, education, etc. At some point, all of us need community support of some sort, and I'm happy to contribute to that.
But the one aspect of progressive social politics I can't stand is the pressure to squish myself in with other people. I don't like feeling pressured to use public transport, live in urban density, volunteer everywhere, etc. Folks who enjoy that sort of thing are welcome to it, and I'm heartily in favor of funding things like that for those who want to, because it's necessary to preserve shared resources. But it's just not my thing.
I will never again live in an apartment if I can possibly avoid it. I don't talk to my neighbors. I never take the bus. I only get on airplanes because there's no other way to get to some places quickly. I do 80% of my grocery shopping from home, and most every other kind of shopping during non-peak hours. I almost never go to movies on opening day. I travel during low season. I work an offset schedule to avoid rush hour. I rarely use the phone unless I have no other option or need immediate contact with someone.
In short: I hate dealing with strangers, and avoid it whenever humanly possible. It's not that I think there's something inherently wrong with other people, or that I'm better than the unwashed masses or whatever. There's no race or class or ego component to this at all. I just don't like being forced into close proximity with people I didn't choose to be around.
The weird part of this, of course, is that I'm actually an incredibly social person when I'm around people of my choice. I love being surrounded by friends, I'm a huge cuddle slut, and I generally like meeting new people if we have something major in common (queerness, geekery, etc.) But being surrounded by straight muggles in a situation I didn't choose? Puts me on the verge of panic.
So... Yeah. Really wish people would be more considerate of folks like me, and not assume that our desire to limit contact with strangers means we're selfish misanthropes or up to no good or whatever. People just plain stress me out, and if I am to function at all, I have to limit that stress whenever possible.
But the one aspect of progressive social politics I can't stand is the pressure to squish myself in with other people. I don't like feeling pressured to use public transport, live in urban density, volunteer everywhere, etc. Folks who enjoy that sort of thing are welcome to it, and I'm heartily in favor of funding things like that for those who want to, because it's necessary to preserve shared resources. But it's just not my thing.
I will never again live in an apartment if I can possibly avoid it. I don't talk to my neighbors. I never take the bus. I only get on airplanes because there's no other way to get to some places quickly. I do 80% of my grocery shopping from home, and most every other kind of shopping during non-peak hours. I almost never go to movies on opening day. I travel during low season. I work an offset schedule to avoid rush hour. I rarely use the phone unless I have no other option or need immediate contact with someone.
In short: I hate dealing with strangers, and avoid it whenever humanly possible. It's not that I think there's something inherently wrong with other people, or that I'm better than the unwashed masses or whatever. There's no race or class or ego component to this at all. I just don't like being forced into close proximity with people I didn't choose to be around.
The weird part of this, of course, is that I'm actually an incredibly social person when I'm around people of my choice. I love being surrounded by friends, I'm a huge cuddle slut, and I generally like meeting new people if we have something major in common (queerness, geekery, etc.) But being surrounded by straight muggles in a situation I didn't choose? Puts me on the verge of panic.
So... Yeah. Really wish people would be more considerate of folks like me, and not assume that our desire to limit contact with strangers means we're selfish misanthropes or up to no good or whatever. People just plain stress me out, and if I am to function at all, I have to limit that stress whenever possible.
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no subject
With my chosen friends and "family"? Very social, very touchy. With strangers? I'm so on guard and withdrawn that it's exhausting sometimes.
Luckily, my job is one that I have been able to adjust to because we're a close-knit office -- but I don't go to company gathers.
no subject
Fully understand. It gets annoying to me, too, to be thought of as 'defective' in some way, simply because I don't socialize like others do - because I'm not an extrovert. I'm not energized by parties, I'm drained by them. And if I don't have enough energy stockpiled to deal with certain social situations, I'm probably going to avoid them entirely, or yeah, look and behave like I'm exhausted and unhappy, because I am. It's not inherently the situation making me that way, it's simply the fact that I function on a different plane. It's tiresome to always have to operate on someone else's terms, because they won't stop to understand mine.
I read The Introvert Advantage, and while it didn't tell me much that I didn't know, it was wonderfully validating. It's good to know that there are actual physiological reasons that introverts operate the way we do, in addition to the psychological reasons.