CNN discovers bi men; acts as if it's a new alien species

[textualdeviance]

Aren't we beyond this whole "lookit the freaks!" thing?

The article isn't negative, per se. It's just treating these poor guys as if they're some sort of strange novelty, like some eccentric who collects Victorian hair jewelry or something.

I think there are a ton more bi guys in existence than are out. They're just not very visible, because there's such a stigma about it. The reaction many gay men and straight women have to the concept is so childish and negative that it's not surprising many of them just try to ignore one side or the other of their attractions and blend in: If they're honest, it's hard to get laid.*

The strangest part about this reaction, IMHO, is that it stems from the same sexist bullshit: Both stupid straight women and stupid gay men see bi men as somehow feminized and therefore less attractive. The straight chicks obsess about bottoming and figure any guy who would remotely consider a passive sexual role must be a big ol' girl. And the gay guys figure any guy who wants a woman must be a pathetic loser who wants the supposedly inherently feminine state of being married and having kids.

(Of course, then there's the other contingent of gay men who fetishize "straight" guys who cheat on their wives. If those guys were actually out bisexuals instead of downlow, lying bastards, it'd totally kill their buzz, I guess. W'ev.)

In any case, I really wish people would just get over it, so more men could feel comfortable being honest about who they are.

*Though it's far easier for a bi guy to get laid if he already hangs out in some sort of alternative culture: Pagan, geek, SCAdian, etc. Notions of gender roles are already a bit more flexible there, so there's less of a stigma.

Comments

[van.livejournal.com]

One truly frustrating thing I've discovered via online dating through dating sites is the the stigma against bi men. Straight women don't want to date me and gay men don't want to date me, so for a while I was just focusing on other bisexuals. Bisexual men are totally cool with it. Bisexual women? Don't want to date bisexual men. (I know this is obviously a stereotype, as I have found bisexual women who are totally fine with bisexual men. I've just come across so many profiles for bisexual women who explictly state on their profiles that they'll only date women or straight men.) I don't get it.

I can't wait until bisexuality is the general default for humanity. I have to believe it'll happen within my lifetime, even.

[ourdramaqueen.livejournal.com]

Bisexual women? Don't want to date bisexual men.

That's what a bi guy I know told me too. I guess it's partially the same prejudice that straight women have: that a guy who lets other guys fuck him isn't a "real man". I don't get it either, frankly, and I'm a straight female.

[van.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and it's so misguided too. Like, I sort of get if a girl wants to be the submissive one in a relatioship, she'd want to be with a more dominate guy and in her mind a bi guy might be submissive. But, it generally doesn't work like that. I'm not submissive to guys and therefore submissive to girls. I'm dominate when I have a partner who wants me to be dominate and I'm submissive when I have a partner who wants me to be submissive. Usually we even trade off and mix things up--keeps it interesting.

So, I just don't get it. All bi guys are DEFINITELY not all submissive. (And I know loads of dominate straight and bi girls, so it doesn't even make sense.)

I honestly convince myself that it's more down to fear of AIDS/HIV transmission, even though that's not really a valid excuse either. It at least makes a modicum of sense.

[textualdeviance.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think there's definitely a top/bottom aspect to it (especially since there's that whole top fetishization even within the gay community.)

I guess it's what some folks think is the natural state of sexuality: One partner top/dominant/masculine, the other bottom/submissive/feminine. People who are married to being one half of that equation will only pursue people who are the other half of it. (Even some lesbians do this, with the ridiculous butch/femme dance.)

Me, I don't get that. Sure, I get that some folks have a preference for one side or the other, but really... Sex is awfully boring if you're only playing out the same cliche social game every time.

I suppose this also explains why so many women aren't into geeky boys, though. They assume that any guy who doesn't look and act like a macho ass won't be able to give them a good fucking like they want.

(Fair enough, I spose. If they don't want those boys, it just leaves more for me. ;) )

FWIW, the other excuse I've heard from some women is that they're convinced that there's no way a bi guy wouldn't eventually decide he prefers dick. (The same BS some lesbians use to not date bi women--apparently The Power of the Penis is so strong none can truly resist it. W'ev.)

[ourdramaqueen.livejournal.com]

apparently The Power of the Penis is so strong none can truly resist it.

That's just as ridiculous as a woman thinking she can convert a gay man because The Power of the Pussy is so strong none can truly resist it. *eyeroll*

[textualdeviance.livejournal.com]

Or the other amusing thing of women who are convinced they can steal a man away from another woman because apparently their own twats are special and made of gold and sparkles.

Sigh...

[pottsfanatic.livejournal.com]

In any case, I really wish people would just get over it, so more men could feel comfortable being honest about who they are.

Couldn't have said it better myself. :)