A birthday request

[textualdeviance]

No real b-day plans today save a movie and dinner, perhaps. May spend much of the day writing.

I do have one request, however, for those that may be so inclined:

Comment here telling me how/where we met (online or off) and what your strongest memories are of that time. Not necessarily memories about me, but maybe memories of what we were doing and what was the most important to us then.

Now that I'm on the last year of my 30s, I'm kinda feeling nostalgic for the past decade or so of my life, and I'm interested to relive a little of it through others' memories instead of just my own.

(xposted to FB)

Comments

[textualdeviance.livejournal.com]

Wow! Thanks.

And you're not wrong. I can get bossy. Though it's less a matter of wanting to be controlling or domineering and more just my lack of understanding about why people don't see the inherent logic and rightness of whatever it is I've decided is the Proper Thing for a given situation.

I have this strong drive to educate and enlighten people, and when I see some sort of mistaken information out there or see someone doing something the "wrong" way, I feel ridiculously compelled to offer the correct information. And I don't always do that in a tactful or kind way, because I tend to present it in a "this is how things are" sort of matter-of-fact tone. I figure it's better than being condescending or wibbling about it.

Nine times out of ten, I am more or less objectively right about things (I try to do a lot of research before I make statements of what I consider fact), but there have been times (mostly in the past; I've tried to learn from my mistakes on that count) when I've decided there's a Right Way about something and it turns out that the way in question is significantly more subjective than that.

The biggest thing I've had to learn, however, is that even if I am right, it's not always wise or useful to point that out, and it's important to be kind about it. Even if I'm not presenting it in a personal way (I'm right; you're wrong) and am just presenting it as an objective established fact, people sometimes get really sensitive about finding out they were wrong about something. Even if it's something as innocuous as... Oh... Understanding security procedures at the airport, sometimes offering a correction to mistaken information can make people feel like they're being attacked: They don't see it as, "Hey, thanks for the info," they see it as an embarassing expose of a mistake. And react accordingly.

I think this is partly a possible Aspie thing for me, and partly a Girl Language one. People are more used to getting such sorts of "oh, actually, this is what the real deal is here" sort of no-nonsense info from men. Getting it from a woman often feels weird to people because women generally don't do that. They soft-peddle it, or present it as a question or opinion or do upspeak with it or whatever.

For instance, if a woman's giving driving directions, she'll often present them as, "I think you're supposed to turn here? Maybe?" Whereas a man will actually just say, "Turn here." And that's how I do it. Which freaks people out. Men find it a challenge to their dominance and women find it a challenge to their own perceptions of how other women are supposed to behave, and act to keep the stray herd member in line.

Beyond all that, though...

I know I can be bristly in general. It's a defense mechanism, really. I guess I subconsciously want to give off a Handle with Care warning because I'm actually quite easily hurt. Just a feral kitty who hisses at everyone until she's sure she can trust them, I spose.

On the plus side, it does mean I easily go all snarly Mama Bear on people who mess with the people I love. ;)