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Feb. 25th, 2012 01:51 pm
High school politics
Sometimes, I feel like feminism has failed. We've worked for so long to try to convince girls that there is life beyond being mindlessly decorative and servient, and yet they still persist. And even worse, they still reinforce that in other girls, by bullying the girls who aren't pretty enough, or who would rather focus on their schoolwork than on dating.
Thing is, I get it. I get that we do still live in a sexist world, and that means that women who have made themselves fuckable/marriageable (according to sexist jerks) are going to (seem to) have an easier time getting by in life. It's absolutely true that, initially, young women who are more attractive and willing to serve the selfish jerks in their lives are going to survive better than young women who have spent more time developing their brains. I get that millions of girls see that most of the most "successful" women in pop culture are ones who have succumbed to the beauty myth. And when you don't feel like you have a lot of other power--you're poor, for instance, or won't be able to go to college for some reason--then seeking power via traditional roles for women does seem like the path of least resistance. It makes me sad when a given girl or young woman feels she has to do that stuff to herself to survive, but I understand it.
What makes me angry, though, is when those same girls and women feel they need to perpetuate that pressure on others. It's not enough, apparently, that they themselves feel the need to shut off their brains and waste countless amounts of time and money trying to be appropriately decorative. They have to bully other girls and women into doing that, too.
Why? Why do this? Isn't there enough of that pressure already from industry that wants to capitalize on our self-hatred, and insecure men who fear independent, self-sufficient women? Why do we also have to punish each other for not obeying those cultural edicts? What is there to gain in life from forcing other women to hurt themselves for the sake of "beauty" and domestic servitude?
The only thing I can think is that it's some sort of protectionism. The girls who have already gained something in life from their adherence to these standards have a lot to lose if those standards change. If, for instance, they've neglected schoolwork in favor of prettying up, if the standard changes so that a girl will be more successful if she's getting good grades, it means their own personal power is going to evaporate. If the standard for being loved and getting laid changes so that having good character and a good mind trumps having a tight ass or being willing to birth a lot of babies and play housewife, then those women who have focused exclusively on the latter are going to find themselves partnerless. I'm sure there are dozens of women who look at me, and get angry that a fat, entirely non-domestic chick like me can be happily married when they've wasted half their lives plucking their eyebrows and getting bikini waxes and are still single.
Also, it's probably a matter of expending so much effort to live up to those standards that one doesn't want to feel like all that work was for nothing. Granted that once these women hit ~40, they're going to find that out anyway, once they get pushed off for young mistresses and trophy wives. But before then, I'm sure it's frustrating to consider the idea that maybe spending thousands of hours, tons of cash and a lot of blood, sweat and agony on making yourself into an ideal vision of sexist perfection is actually a big waste.
And, truth is, the standards ARE changing, if ever so slowly. The more women we have in leadership and power positions who obviously didn't waste their youth reading fashion magazines or being someone's docile little wifey are proof that such efforts are going the way of the dodo. So it may be that the sudden surge in pressure to be pretty and domestic is just the flailing of those who are seeing their sources of power slipping away.
But, even though things are changing, it's still frustrating here on the ground to see so many individual girls and women suffering at the hands of their peers. The bullying is awful, and it really needs to stop. I just wish I knew an easy way to make it so.
Thing is, I get it. I get that we do still live in a sexist world, and that means that women who have made themselves fuckable/marriageable (according to sexist jerks) are going to (seem to) have an easier time getting by in life. It's absolutely true that, initially, young women who are more attractive and willing to serve the selfish jerks in their lives are going to survive better than young women who have spent more time developing their brains. I get that millions of girls see that most of the most "successful" women in pop culture are ones who have succumbed to the beauty myth. And when you don't feel like you have a lot of other power--you're poor, for instance, or won't be able to go to college for some reason--then seeking power via traditional roles for women does seem like the path of least resistance. It makes me sad when a given girl or young woman feels she has to do that stuff to herself to survive, but I understand it.
What makes me angry, though, is when those same girls and women feel they need to perpetuate that pressure on others. It's not enough, apparently, that they themselves feel the need to shut off their brains and waste countless amounts of time and money trying to be appropriately decorative. They have to bully other girls and women into doing that, too.
Why? Why do this? Isn't there enough of that pressure already from industry that wants to capitalize on our self-hatred, and insecure men who fear independent, self-sufficient women? Why do we also have to punish each other for not obeying those cultural edicts? What is there to gain in life from forcing other women to hurt themselves for the sake of "beauty" and domestic servitude?
The only thing I can think is that it's some sort of protectionism. The girls who have already gained something in life from their adherence to these standards have a lot to lose if those standards change. If, for instance, they've neglected schoolwork in favor of prettying up, if the standard changes so that a girl will be more successful if she's getting good grades, it means their own personal power is going to evaporate. If the standard for being loved and getting laid changes so that having good character and a good mind trumps having a tight ass or being willing to birth a lot of babies and play housewife, then those women who have focused exclusively on the latter are going to find themselves partnerless. I'm sure there are dozens of women who look at me, and get angry that a fat, entirely non-domestic chick like me can be happily married when they've wasted half their lives plucking their eyebrows and getting bikini waxes and are still single.
Also, it's probably a matter of expending so much effort to live up to those standards that one doesn't want to feel like all that work was for nothing. Granted that once these women hit ~40, they're going to find that out anyway, once they get pushed off for young mistresses and trophy wives. But before then, I'm sure it's frustrating to consider the idea that maybe spending thousands of hours, tons of cash and a lot of blood, sweat and agony on making yourself into an ideal vision of sexist perfection is actually a big waste.
And, truth is, the standards ARE changing, if ever so slowly. The more women we have in leadership and power positions who obviously didn't waste their youth reading fashion magazines or being someone's docile little wifey are proof that such efforts are going the way of the dodo. So it may be that the sudden surge in pressure to be pretty and domestic is just the flailing of those who are seeing their sources of power slipping away.
But, even though things are changing, it's still frustrating here on the ground to see so many individual girls and women suffering at the hands of their peers. The bullying is awful, and it really needs to stop. I just wish I knew an easy way to make it so.
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