![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Apr. 30th, 2010 03:18 am
Driving to distraction
Had a much-needed chat with M tonight about brainspace issues and my stupid ADD and my desperate need to go balls-deep into my creative stuff lately (because I spent most of the last two years more or less deprived of opportunities for that.)
Was trying to explain that I don't go to bed when he does (when I don't have to get up early) because late nights are often my most creative and productive time. When Asia's the only continent that's really awake, the world seems quieter, and I feel like I can focus. During the day, there's just too much mental noise and too many interruptions, and I have a miserable time trying to stay on task when that happens.
No matter how creative I feel or how much my muses are working with me, I can't do what I need to do when there's so much chaos around me, and the potential for someone to interrupt me at any moment.
I was also realizing that I often stay up late when I feel like I haven't accomplished much during the day. I feel like I want to go to bed having something to point at to say, "Hey, I did this today" and if that means I stay up until dawn working on something, then that's what I do. No matter how tired I am, I can't sleep unless I feel like I've done something tangible.
Theoretically, this would seem like a perfect recipe to, essentially, work a graveyard shift. Unfortunately, because I'm also so sensitive to getting enough daylight, this tends to screw me up, because I sleep through ~six hours of sun. And it also means I don't have a lot of bandwidth available in the evenings when M's home and wants to interact, because I'm busy catching up on what I missed during the day when everyone else was awake.
I wish I knew an easy solution for this. My meds can only do so much to keep me from getting derailed during the day with the constant buzz of the world, but that's technically the time when I should be working, so I can live like normal people do.
Stupid brain.
( Postscript: Real jobs )
Was trying to explain that I don't go to bed when he does (when I don't have to get up early) because late nights are often my most creative and productive time. When Asia's the only continent that's really awake, the world seems quieter, and I feel like I can focus. During the day, there's just too much mental noise and too many interruptions, and I have a miserable time trying to stay on task when that happens.
No matter how creative I feel or how much my muses are working with me, I can't do what I need to do when there's so much chaos around me, and the potential for someone to interrupt me at any moment.
I was also realizing that I often stay up late when I feel like I haven't accomplished much during the day. I feel like I want to go to bed having something to point at to say, "Hey, I did this today" and if that means I stay up until dawn working on something, then that's what I do. No matter how tired I am, I can't sleep unless I feel like I've done something tangible.
Theoretically, this would seem like a perfect recipe to, essentially, work a graveyard shift. Unfortunately, because I'm also so sensitive to getting enough daylight, this tends to screw me up, because I sleep through ~six hours of sun. And it also means I don't have a lot of bandwidth available in the evenings when M's home and wants to interact, because I'm busy catching up on what I missed during the day when everyone else was awake.
I wish I knew an easy solution for this. My meds can only do so much to keep me from getting derailed during the day with the constant buzz of the world, but that's technically the time when I should be working, so I can live like normal people do.
Stupid brain.
( Postscript: Real jobs )
Tags: