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Aug. 8th, 2004 03:18 am
Thinking out loud
I think I may have just hit upon a Holy Grail of understanding the objection to same-sex marriage...
(it's late, forgive the meandering...)
( fear and loathing in the heartland )
Same-sex marriage is not going to destroy families and communities and all those other things that we humans need to feel stable and safe. Homophobia, divorce, cheating, and pressuring people to marry people they're not in love with destroys families. Pushing people to marry when they're too young, to have children they don't want, and demanding that men and women develop into polar opposites that don't understand each other destroys families. And making people ashamed of having sexual desire destroys families, too...
( And now for some rambling thoughts on sex... )
Far too many people honestly can't fathom the concept of two people having sex because they love each other and want ultimate physical intimacy with each other. They don't get the idea of making love, of bonding with someone through sex. It's like there's this wall set up between love and sex, even within relationships. There is love, which is asexual, and sex, which is emotionally detached. The idea of saying to one's partner: "I love you, and I want to touch you in ways and places no one else gets to, and want to make you feel good" scares the daylights out of some people. Likewise, some women also don't get that loving sex can be a quick, dirty fuck on the kitchen floor just as much as hours-long soft-focus glorified cuddling set to Bolero.
( Sex and Family Values are not mutually exclusive )
Conservatives like to blame the breakdown of families and communities on women working and people getting away from religion, but that's not the problem. The problem is excessive capitalism, and the drive for monetary success and status. It's a problem of urban sprawl with terrible transportation, and hourlong commutes and 60 hour work weeks, and wanting to have the biggest SUV on the block. It's expensive college education, and poor healthcare, and CEOs making 40 times the salary of the company's lowest-paid worker (and laying people off while they get bonuses.) It's tax laws that favor corporations and not people. It's marketing and advertising and making people feel that they're inadequate unless they buy the latest widget. You want family values? Then pay people a living wage so they don't have to work overtime and can actually see their partner and kids. Refuse to perpetuate the myth that sex only comes in blondes with implants. Refuse to support people who reject their kids because they love someone who has the same plumbing as they do, or because they don't adhere to rigid gender stereotypes. Refuse to close yourself off from loving other people out of fear of losing them.
(it's late, forgive the meandering...)
( fear and loathing in the heartland )
Same-sex marriage is not going to destroy families and communities and all those other things that we humans need to feel stable and safe. Homophobia, divorce, cheating, and pressuring people to marry people they're not in love with destroys families. Pushing people to marry when they're too young, to have children they don't want, and demanding that men and women develop into polar opposites that don't understand each other destroys families. And making people ashamed of having sexual desire destroys families, too...
( And now for some rambling thoughts on sex... )
Far too many people honestly can't fathom the concept of two people having sex because they love each other and want ultimate physical intimacy with each other. They don't get the idea of making love, of bonding with someone through sex. It's like there's this wall set up between love and sex, even within relationships. There is love, which is asexual, and sex, which is emotionally detached. The idea of saying to one's partner: "I love you, and I want to touch you in ways and places no one else gets to, and want to make you feel good" scares the daylights out of some people. Likewise, some women also don't get that loving sex can be a quick, dirty fuck on the kitchen floor just as much as hours-long soft-focus glorified cuddling set to Bolero.
( Sex and Family Values are not mutually exclusive )
Conservatives like to blame the breakdown of families and communities on women working and people getting away from religion, but that's not the problem. The problem is excessive capitalism, and the drive for monetary success and status. It's a problem of urban sprawl with terrible transportation, and hourlong commutes and 60 hour work weeks, and wanting to have the biggest SUV on the block. It's expensive college education, and poor healthcare, and CEOs making 40 times the salary of the company's lowest-paid worker (and laying people off while they get bonuses.) It's tax laws that favor corporations and not people. It's marketing and advertising and making people feel that they're inadequate unless they buy the latest widget. You want family values? Then pay people a living wage so they don't have to work overtime and can actually see their partner and kids. Refuse to perpetuate the myth that sex only comes in blondes with implants. Refuse to support people who reject their kids because they love someone who has the same plumbing as they do, or because they don't adhere to rigid gender stereotypes. Refuse to close yourself off from loving other people out of fear of losing them.
