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textualdevianceETA: Okay, I've officially spent too much time on this in the last couple of days. Still hot on the subject (and probably always will be) but time to go take care of some other stuff. My apologies if you comment and I don't reply.)
ETA 2: In-depth post in response to some recent comments here. Comments on this entry are now frozen. Sorry, but I've no time to engage in back-and-forths with several people all day.
I've figured it out:
The reason the "femme pride" crowd pisses me off is that they want to have it both ways: they want to insist that there is strength in stereotypical femininity, and yet they want the privilege of being pampered like a weak little princess. They want chivarly, and doors opened, and some big strong butch to take care of them, and they don't want to have to take responsibility for the fact that being femme IS a power position, in relation to non-femme women. Sorry, girls, you can't have it both ways. With power comes responsibility. If you don't want the responsibility, then don't try to sell me the myth that wearing lipstick is an act of assertiveness, or anything more than a self-centered, immature little girl playing dress-up to get attention.
Hanne Blank-- someone I've previously had a lot of respect for-- has just banned me and deleted a bunch of my comments from her journal, supposedly for being "rude." The rudeness in question? I challenged her assumption that being a femme woman is some sort of special status that deserves celebration and a place of honor. Apparently I'm supposed to kiss her ass and treat her like a "lady" instead of bluntly picking apart her prurient description of how great it is to be femme. If her lurid description of femme space were instead a celebration of how great it is to be white, and to hang out in white space, people would be jumping down her throat. But because she and others like her have convinced themselves that being a femme woman is some sort of special minority status that deserves honor, instead of the privileged position it really is, they don't realize how offensive what she said is.
The thing is: she's smarter than that. I know she is. But for some reason, she's freaking out about being challenged on this. My guess is that being femme is something she's really psychologically invested in, and she's probably a lot more culturally-pressured on it than she thinks. Most women who freak out when challenged about being femme do so because they don't want to admit that they really are succumbing to cultural pressure to be properly feminine. Intelligent, progressive women like Blank like to believe in the myth that we're in a post-feminist era, and that we can somehow "reclaim" stereotypical femininity because it's no longer inherently harmful to women. Problem is: we're not. Mandatory femininity continues to destroy millions of women all over the world. It is not a choice which can be made lightly, and it's certainly not a choice which should be celebrated as if it were some special minority status.
As I've pointed out before, people tend to dwell on the traits by which they're oppressed, and ignore the traits which give them privilege. In extreme cases of oppressed-person's-myopia, the person in question is so invested in the idea that they're an oppressed person that EVERYTHING about them is folded into that whole "poor me" attitude, even when the trait in question is actually something which gives them power over other people. In other cases, the deficit on the oppressed side can be so great that the person in question goes overboard on the power traits they have, to overcompensate for their lack in other areas.
In Blank's case, she's printed a lot of ink about being queer and a sex-positive fat woman. Those are clearly sensitive issues for her (as they are for most of us who carry those traits) I think being femme is one of her few sources of power and strength, and because she relies so heavily on that one thing, to have it, or its power challenged is probably quite disturbing. Hence her overreaction to my criticism.
She, and other "straight acting" queers like her, recognize that if it weren't for being gender-compliant, they'd probably be on the bottom rung of the social acceptability ladder. Some straight acting queers actually go so far as to be openly hostile to those who aren't gender-compliant-- acting as if the queens and dykes among us are hurting the cause by being so "abnormal" and that if we'd just act like "regular" people, we won't be discriminated against. Unfortunately, that's just not the case. It may be true that some of the gender-compliant queers are more respected, but actual sexual freedom is not going to be won merely by dressing the way one's culture requires.
To Blank's credit, she's not like that. She fully accepts the butch crowd, and she's also progressive enough to understand that gender expression is not limited by genitals. But in celebrating the right of men to be femme if they want to, or women to be butch if they want to, it's important to not go too far, and celebrate the choice of gender itself for everyone who chooses it. Obviously, femme men are oppressed and need to be supported, but femme women? Hardly. I'm not going to buy the idea that being a femme woman is something special which deserves special treatment. And I'm definitely not going to play the butch/femme game (and that's exactly what it is: a game) when I don't choose to. Just because I'm not femme (and don't want to be) doesn't mean I'm stereotypically butch, and therefore a participant in the social dance of gender stratification. Just because she wants to act like a stereotypical female doesn't mean that those who aren't have to play the opposite role in that little charade. I'm not a stereotypical man just because I'm not femme, and I refuse to participate in the rituals which reinforce gender stratification.
Gender is drag. It's theater. It's completely, totally artificial. There are certain hormonal and physiological things which can make a person slightly more feminine or masculine, but the extremes of gender which are found in modern culture are not in any way natural, inherent or essential. One's biological sex is a matter of inherent fact. One's gender expression isn't.
In the case of gender compliance (bio women acting stereotypically femme, bio men acting stereotypically masculine) in non-progressive cultures, the choice is forced and pressured by one's society. In the case of progressive cultures, there's still an element of social pressure, but there's a lot more choice to it. And that being the case, when a progessive woman chooses to be stereotypically femme, I don't feel any particular compulsion to honor that choice the same way I would something which is far more inherent and immutable.
It's kind of like politics and religion. In some cultures, there's enough pressure to belong to a particular religion or political party that membership in it is not enough of a matter of choice that a person can be fully held responsible for it. Someone who is culturally Catholic because that's all they've ever known, I give some slack to because they don't have the power and understanding to get out of that culture. But for people in progressive cultures who actually do have a choice as to what religion or political party to belong to, damned right I'm going to hold them responsible if they make a choice to belong to a group which is engaged in such nastiness.
Likewise, I'm going to hold Blank responsible for her choice to be femme, and how she chooses to use the power she has by being so.
I suspect that her choice to be femme is influenced more by cultural pressure than she'd probably like to think. And, as mentioned above, I think her minority traits have definitely contributed to how she behaves with her power trait. But all that said, she's not stupid. She's culturally-aware, she exists in an extremely progressive community, and she's clearly done enough navel gazing that her choice to be femme should indeed be a fairly unobstructed one. And that being the case, she has a responsibility, as a progressive person, to handle that choice with sensitivity and tact. And that simply was not present in her post.
Until all women truly do have a choice about whether or not to be femme, and until all men truly have a choice whether or not to be masculine, for femme women or masculine men who are otherwise progressive to gloat about how great it is that they've chosen that privilege is offensive. If Blank wants to talk rudeness, she needs to first look at her own post, and realize how rude and insensitive it is to rub her femme privilege in the face of people who don't have it, assuming that those who aren't femme are happy enough being on the "other side" of that coin to celebrate femininity. Sorry, sweetie. I'm not going to play cheerleader for your little social game. Fetishize stereotypical femininity if you want to, but don't expect me to give you brownie points for doing so, don't expect me to play your game, and DON'T expect me to give you any sort of princess treatment just because you choose to wear makeup.
ETA 2: In-depth post in response to some recent comments here. Comments on this entry are now frozen. Sorry, but I've no time to engage in back-and-forths with several people all day.
I've figured it out:
The reason the "femme pride" crowd pisses me off is that they want to have it both ways: they want to insist that there is strength in stereotypical femininity, and yet they want the privilege of being pampered like a weak little princess. They want chivarly, and doors opened, and some big strong butch to take care of them, and they don't want to have to take responsibility for the fact that being femme IS a power position, in relation to non-femme women. Sorry, girls, you can't have it both ways. With power comes responsibility. If you don't want the responsibility, then don't try to sell me the myth that wearing lipstick is an act of assertiveness, or anything more than a self-centered, immature little girl playing dress-up to get attention.
Hanne Blank-- someone I've previously had a lot of respect for-- has just banned me and deleted a bunch of my comments from her journal, supposedly for being "rude." The rudeness in question? I challenged her assumption that being a femme woman is some sort of special status that deserves celebration and a place of honor. Apparently I'm supposed to kiss her ass and treat her like a "lady" instead of bluntly picking apart her prurient description of how great it is to be femme. If her lurid description of femme space were instead a celebration of how great it is to be white, and to hang out in white space, people would be jumping down her throat. But because she and others like her have convinced themselves that being a femme woman is some sort of special minority status that deserves honor, instead of the privileged position it really is, they don't realize how offensive what she said is.
The thing is: she's smarter than that. I know she is. But for some reason, she's freaking out about being challenged on this. My guess is that being femme is something she's really psychologically invested in, and she's probably a lot more culturally-pressured on it than she thinks. Most women who freak out when challenged about being femme do so because they don't want to admit that they really are succumbing to cultural pressure to be properly feminine. Intelligent, progressive women like Blank like to believe in the myth that we're in a post-feminist era, and that we can somehow "reclaim" stereotypical femininity because it's no longer inherently harmful to women. Problem is: we're not. Mandatory femininity continues to destroy millions of women all over the world. It is not a choice which can be made lightly, and it's certainly not a choice which should be celebrated as if it were some special minority status.
As I've pointed out before, people tend to dwell on the traits by which they're oppressed, and ignore the traits which give them privilege. In extreme cases of oppressed-person's-myopia, the person in question is so invested in the idea that they're an oppressed person that EVERYTHING about them is folded into that whole "poor me" attitude, even when the trait in question is actually something which gives them power over other people. In other cases, the deficit on the oppressed side can be so great that the person in question goes overboard on the power traits they have, to overcompensate for their lack in other areas.
In Blank's case, she's printed a lot of ink about being queer and a sex-positive fat woman. Those are clearly sensitive issues for her (as they are for most of us who carry those traits) I think being femme is one of her few sources of power and strength, and because she relies so heavily on that one thing, to have it, or its power challenged is probably quite disturbing. Hence her overreaction to my criticism.
She, and other "straight acting" queers like her, recognize that if it weren't for being gender-compliant, they'd probably be on the bottom rung of the social acceptability ladder. Some straight acting queers actually go so far as to be openly hostile to those who aren't gender-compliant-- acting as if the queens and dykes among us are hurting the cause by being so "abnormal" and that if we'd just act like "regular" people, we won't be discriminated against. Unfortunately, that's just not the case. It may be true that some of the gender-compliant queers are more respected, but actual sexual freedom is not going to be won merely by dressing the way one's culture requires.
To Blank's credit, she's not like that. She fully accepts the butch crowd, and she's also progressive enough to understand that gender expression is not limited by genitals. But in celebrating the right of men to be femme if they want to, or women to be butch if they want to, it's important to not go too far, and celebrate the choice of gender itself for everyone who chooses it. Obviously, femme men are oppressed and need to be supported, but femme women? Hardly. I'm not going to buy the idea that being a femme woman is something special which deserves special treatment. And I'm definitely not going to play the butch/femme game (and that's exactly what it is: a game) when I don't choose to. Just because I'm not femme (and don't want to be) doesn't mean I'm stereotypically butch, and therefore a participant in the social dance of gender stratification. Just because she wants to act like a stereotypical female doesn't mean that those who aren't have to play the opposite role in that little charade. I'm not a stereotypical man just because I'm not femme, and I refuse to participate in the rituals which reinforce gender stratification.
Gender is drag. It's theater. It's completely, totally artificial. There are certain hormonal and physiological things which can make a person slightly more feminine or masculine, but the extremes of gender which are found in modern culture are not in any way natural, inherent or essential. One's biological sex is a matter of inherent fact. One's gender expression isn't.
In the case of gender compliance (bio women acting stereotypically femme, bio men acting stereotypically masculine) in non-progressive cultures, the choice is forced and pressured by one's society. In the case of progressive cultures, there's still an element of social pressure, but there's a lot more choice to it. And that being the case, when a progessive woman chooses to be stereotypically femme, I don't feel any particular compulsion to honor that choice the same way I would something which is far more inherent and immutable.
It's kind of like politics and religion. In some cultures, there's enough pressure to belong to a particular religion or political party that membership in it is not enough of a matter of choice that a person can be fully held responsible for it. Someone who is culturally Catholic because that's all they've ever known, I give some slack to because they don't have the power and understanding to get out of that culture. But for people in progressive cultures who actually do have a choice as to what religion or political party to belong to, damned right I'm going to hold them responsible if they make a choice to belong to a group which is engaged in such nastiness.
Likewise, I'm going to hold Blank responsible for her choice to be femme, and how she chooses to use the power she has by being so.
I suspect that her choice to be femme is influenced more by cultural pressure than she'd probably like to think. And, as mentioned above, I think her minority traits have definitely contributed to how she behaves with her power trait. But all that said, she's not stupid. She's culturally-aware, she exists in an extremely progressive community, and she's clearly done enough navel gazing that her choice to be femme should indeed be a fairly unobstructed one. And that being the case, she has a responsibility, as a progressive person, to handle that choice with sensitivity and tact. And that simply was not present in her post.
Until all women truly do have a choice about whether or not to be femme, and until all men truly have a choice whether or not to be masculine, for femme women or masculine men who are otherwise progressive to gloat about how great it is that they've chosen that privilege is offensive. If Blank wants to talk rudeness, she needs to first look at her own post, and realize how rude and insensitive it is to rub her femme privilege in the face of people who don't have it, assuming that those who aren't femme are happy enough being on the "other side" of that coin to celebrate femininity. Sorry, sweetie. I'm not going to play cheerleader for your little social game. Fetishize stereotypical femininity if you want to, but don't expect me to give you brownie points for doing so, don't expect me to play your game, and DON'T expect me to give you any sort of princess treatment just because you choose to wear makeup.
