Nice guy syndrome and the geek's dilemma: The Connor Temple parable

[textualdeviance]

foxipher posted this, and I had to laugh a little.

Are geek boys still pining away about not being able to get laid?

With the caveat that I probably need to take my own advice at times, here's why the stereotype of the sexless nerd should be considered a mythical beast:

Nerds like sex. Nerds have sex. Nerds have the best sex with each other.

Nerds who pine away in endless lust for non-nerds and ignore the lovely fellow nerds standing right behind them in the autograph lines at the con? Aren't going to get laid. If you're ogling the professional model booth babes instead of the non-implanted-and-Botoxed chick in the cute glasses with a bag full of action figures, you're looking in the wrong damned place.

To wit:

OK, if you've been paying attention to me for the last six months, you should know Connor Temple. If you don't, here's a primer.

He's definitely grown since his ubernerd series 1 roots, but he still has woman problems. And y'know? There's no reason for this. None.

Except for one thing: Dude crushed out on a girl who's too cool for him (or at least thinks she is.) There's a scene in series 1 where she's trying to give him lessons on how to pull in a bar, and she totally shuts him down when he starts talking comics, and claims that girls don't talk comics.

(cue sfx: Needle scratching record)

WTF, chica? Speak for yourself. It may be true that geek circles are still about 2 to 1 in favor of Y chromosomes, but geek girls are hardly an endangered species. Yeah, you'll find most of us doing the fantasy/anime/renfaire thing more than the hard sci-fi and superhero stuff, but we're still out here. And the smart geek boys--the ones who are getting plenty--know this.

Connor certainly has some social problems. He doesn't quite get that being openly lecherous is creepy, he's clumsy and awkward and he seems to have some personal hygiene issues. But other than that, if you were to set down a guy that cute and charming in the middle of a gaggle of geek chicks? He'd be, as my lovely D says, tripped and fucked before he hit the floor. Sure, he may be overlooked by the princess set, and if that's what he's trying to pull, of course he's not going to get any, but if he stopped and actually looked for women who share his interests, he'd be one happy, well-fucked nerd.

Now of course, Connor is a somewhat rare case, being as how he's played by a guy who is actually quite foxy and hawt IRL. Andrew is a bit on the short, scrawny and slightly spotty side, but really, most average, everyday nerds aren't going to have his Puppy Eyes and Dimples of Doom working in their favor. And I get that. But there are still a bunch of nerd boys who don't even have a tenth of his conventional hotness factor who are still merrily shagging away, and it's only because of one thing: They've chosen others like themselves, instead of feeling rejected just because a swimsuit model isn't interested in them.

Undoubtedly, there's some good advice in that article linked above. Even if you're focusing on the right pool of potential partners, standard advice for everyone trying to get some still applies: Don't be rude, pay attention to personal hygiene and try not to monopolize conversations by going on about your particular obsession of the moment.

You also need to make it clear to the object of your attentions that s/he is more than an object. There are definitely some folks out there who are into no-strings sportfucking, but generally speaking, most people want to know that they're wanted on a personal level as well as a physical one, and if you don't feel that way about a given person, then move on until you find one you do feel that way about. It's less painful for all involved.

Being a nerd shouldn't be a barrier in and of itself to having a healthy and active sex life, and being a nice guy isn't the problem. Limiting yourself to those people that mainstream culture have brainwashed you into believing are the only source of satisfying sex? That's the problem.

Comments

[sheistheweather]

It isn't just geek boys, though. I've definitely met women and other folks like this as well.

And yes, I agree.

[van.livejournal.com]

I agree with you, of course, but at the same time, you can't always help who you're attracted to. I know that I've stood in con lines surrounded by cat-ear wearing, "kawaii" screeching anime-fangirls, and felt my skin crawl. Sure, I could probably hook up with any number of them, but why would I want to? Especially when they may often be the sort who develope psycho-ex-girlfriend issues or become stalkers, etc.

Sure, there are some sane cute nerd-girls out there, but they aren't always a dime a dozen. (And I've found the sane-and-cute ones are often already taken.)

Of course, I also don't see the appeal in crushing on someone who hates/dislikes everything you enjoy. I don't care how attractive I found someone, if they don't like scifi/fantasy, I'm completely turned off.

Okay I'm rambling now and will stop. XD

[textualdeviance.livejournal.com]

I think what you're describing there is geekdom's version of bimbos. And yep. Don't blame ya.

Geekdom also has its boneheaded jocks and self-absorbed preps, too. Bleh.

Still, there's a far greater likelihood of finding compatible partners among fellow fans than of just throwing in with muggles in general and hoping to find that one person in a thousand who doesn't squirm at the very mention of fanfic or warp drives.

[hawkdancer.livejournal.com]

Yay! Nerd sex!

Geeks need to breed more, I think. I hope I'll be able to, someday...

[flippet.livejournal.com]

you should know Connor Temple. If you don't, here's a primer.

Awww. &hearts What show, again? (I don't have cable, so I kind of skim past anything I don't have immediate access to.)

Having no idea what the show is about, and only just seen that video - I almost get the impression that the character hasn't fully embraced his own nerdiness, and that might be part of his problem. If you're a nerd and you love it (as opposed to still desperately wanting to be one of the cool people), then you've got a certain confidence that most definitely allows you to pull if, like you said, you're pulling in the right pool. It actually widens your pool a bit.

[textualdeviance.livejournal.com]

The show in question is Primeval. It's a mostly fluffy little show about rips in time and dinosaurs, but rather deeper and more interesting than it seems on the surface. It has some good long-range story arcs and great characters.

Netflix has it, if you have that. They also have it streaming, too.

As for Connor--he definitely embraces his nerdiness. His big problem (at least in series 1) is that he doesn't realize other people have an issue with his being a nerd. And he's also one of those obsessive types who gets so far into his projects and stuff that he doesn't surface and notice the world around him. I'd consider him slightly Aspie, actually.

[canadian-jay.livejournal.com]

*followed clicky linkies from the Sunday Chat*

Interesting! And well said, and so very true. And of course, there's the kinky factor, too. Someone on my flist mentioned how on one of her friend's facebooks, a bunch of people were like 'what's pegging?' and only she and geeky guy friend knew what it was. ;P

Although I do feel compelled, even though this isn't really the place, to toss in from the Sunday Chat that I rather agree with those who were saying Connor should have/could have gotten propositions, but might not have ever had sex for other reasons. xP

[textualdeviance.livejournal.com]

Definitely, on the kink factor. Geeks are inherently creative and curious and are far more open-minded when it comes to such things.

And yeah. I can think of several reasons why Connor might be specifically inexperienced. I just don't think that complete lack of interest from potential partners is one of them.

[canadian-jay.livejournal.com]

Yes!

Basically, yeah. *g* I'm loving on your thought processes here.