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Jan. 11th, 2012 01:29 pm
Minor epiphany re: exercise
Thanks to a friend's q on FB, I think I nailed down why I hate exercising for its own sake:
If my brain doesn't have something else to focus on, the only thing I can think of is how much pain I'm in and how exhausted I am. Walking around for an hour shopping, birding or sightseeing? I don't notice as much, until I'm finally in the car and it hits me all at once. Walking around for an hour for its own sake? I'd never get through it.
( No, it's not laziness or self-indulgence, thanks. )
I realize I look like I'm going to drop dead any second because many people my size are in truly dire shape. Those who gained their weight by eating garbage and never moving at all have undoubtedly done other harm to their bodies that shows up in the numbers that matter. But I've made it to 40 without going diabetic or having enormously high cholesterol and BP, and I feel better now than I ever did when I was trying to do it the "right" way.
I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do caffeine or mammal flesh. I do low-fat dairy and heart-healthy cooking fats. I get plenty of protein, fiber and calcium. I take vitamins to correct for various deficiencies. I am, even at my size, probably living a healthier lifestyle than the vast majority of Americans at ANY size. But I don't "diet" and I don't "work out" and I never will again, because I already know that doing those things will make me worse, not better, and also make me miserable in the meantime.
It's entirely possible that as I continue to improve my overall health, some weight may slowly--very slowly--come off over the years. But it ain't going away entirely, and it ain't happening on a short schedule. I am, for all intents and purposes, going to be this size, or close to it, for probably the rest of my life. This is what I have, and this is what I'm working with. And I AM working with it, even if small-minded, prejudiced people think otherwise.
I just wish there were an easier way to tell this to the world--to get them to trust that I DO know my body quite well, and manage it in the way that gets the best results for me. Because the constant body hate in my culture is the one thing that's making me sicker than anything else.
If my brain doesn't have something else to focus on, the only thing I can think of is how much pain I'm in and how exhausted I am. Walking around for an hour shopping, birding or sightseeing? I don't notice as much, until I'm finally in the car and it hits me all at once. Walking around for an hour for its own sake? I'd never get through it.
( No, it's not laziness or self-indulgence, thanks. )
I realize I look like I'm going to drop dead any second because many people my size are in truly dire shape. Those who gained their weight by eating garbage and never moving at all have undoubtedly done other harm to their bodies that shows up in the numbers that matter. But I've made it to 40 without going diabetic or having enormously high cholesterol and BP, and I feel better now than I ever did when I was trying to do it the "right" way.
I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do caffeine or mammal flesh. I do low-fat dairy and heart-healthy cooking fats. I get plenty of protein, fiber and calcium. I take vitamins to correct for various deficiencies. I am, even at my size, probably living a healthier lifestyle than the vast majority of Americans at ANY size. But I don't "diet" and I don't "work out" and I never will again, because I already know that doing those things will make me worse, not better, and also make me miserable in the meantime.
It's entirely possible that as I continue to improve my overall health, some weight may slowly--very slowly--come off over the years. But it ain't going away entirely, and it ain't happening on a short schedule. I am, for all intents and purposes, going to be this size, or close to it, for probably the rest of my life. This is what I have, and this is what I'm working with. And I AM working with it, even if small-minded, prejudiced people think otherwise.
I just wish there were an easier way to tell this to the world--to get them to trust that I DO know my body quite well, and manage it in the way that gets the best results for me. Because the constant body hate in my culture is the one thing that's making me sicker than anything else.
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