Untouchable

Woke up in a bad mood thanks to a good dream.

The dream itself was quite nice--a naughty little romp with a random cute actor (not Andrew.*) But then when I woke up, I got depressed because I realized that such a thing would never, ever happen in real life. Not for the legitimate reasons--fame, distance, not actually knowing each other--but because said actor is fatphobic.

Generally speaking, it doesn't bother me too much when I'm just not someone's cuppa in romantic/sexual terms. If someone tells me I'm just not their type, fair enough. That sort of thing can happen to anyone. Hell, I've said it a time or two myself (I tend not to go for really bearish men, not because of prejudice, but because of bad memories/associations.)

No, what bothers me is when someone wouldn't even consider being a friend because they have such a problem with fat people. Or, when they might consider having me around a bit, but would never cross the line into a closer friendship because of that (people who, for instance, might be cuddly with their slender friends, but don't want to touch me because they're disgusted or think the fat's contagious or something.)

And then of course there's also the problem with total strangers who, beyond the friendship question, think I shouldn't go out in public, or share transportation or even exist because I'm so hideous.

It all gets really tiring. It's frustrating as hell to have to constantly have filters on, worrying about whether a given person might harbor a secret hatred or disgust for me. It's bothersome to have to hold back, not being gregarious or throwing myself into getting to know someone until I know for sure that they're going to be OK with me. It's depressing to have to avoid certain categories of people (fashionistas, for instance, or other kinds of people who are obsessed with artificial pretty) because chances are so very good that they're going to have a problem with me.

And even when I think I'm in the clear, sometimes people can surprise me. I recently had to unfriend someone on Facebook--a casual friend I've known for years--because of something horribly fatphobic he said. I've also had to drop other friends from time to time because of their constant talk about diets, or ongoing negative comments about their own bodies that make me wonder: If they hate their own (perfectly normal) bodies so much, what must they think of mine?

Occasionally, people will wonder why, given my otherwise-friendly nature, I don't go out and be social more, or get to know people around here instead of online or whatever. Well, this is why. I have to be careful, and choose only those people with whom I have a reasonable expectation of acceptance. I once had a professor ask me why I socialized so much online, instead of, for instance, trying to strike up a friendship with the kid sitting next to me. Said kid? Was a 19-year-old baby douche who was into monster trucks and muscle car magazines. Yeah. Not exactly going to be excited to be friends with an old fat lady.

Of course, it's not just the fat thing, either. I have to be careful about religious folks, for instance, until I'm sure that they're not homophobic or have a problem with atheists (and until I'm sure that any "tolerance" they claim to have for those things is for real, and not just a token thing they do to be able to pat themselves on the back.) I have to be careful around people whose politics might not support my right to, say, health care or non-discrimination or whatever.

I really envy people who don't have any of these potential pitfalls--people who could go up to just about any random stranger, and have a reasonable expectation of becoming friends so long as they got along in general. Having to go through life with these constant filters up is a giant pain, and I really wish I didn't have to do it.

Because y'know what? It really sucks to get excited about a seemingly nice actor and follow what he does for a while and then suddenly find out that if he ever met you, he'd probably recoil, or at least mock you behind your back later on.

Meh.

( * )

Rich man's world

So, a couple of nights ago, D mentioned that he and a few of our other friends were discussing the income tax measure coming up for a vote this year (1098, which would create a state income tax for the first time in WA, but only on individuals making more than $200k, or couples making $400k.)

Said friends apparently asked him, "Well, you live with rich people. What do they think?"

D told them that no, we wouldn't be affected by the tax--not even close--but still, the whole thing did kind of take me aback when he told me.

( Perspective is everything )

So overall, even though we're definitely a few steps above a lot of folks, including locals, we're not really in the upper echelons on an apples-to-apples level. The chances of us ever getting to a point at which that law would affect us, for instance, are basically zero (hell, we only occasionally cross into the 28% bracket for federal, depending on what our Schedule A adds up to.)

But really? If we ever did cross that line, or if they changed the law so we counted, we'd be happy to do it. Because not only do I realize we're lucky, but I also realize that we'd never, ever have gotten here without a lot of taxpayer-funded programs that helped us out when we were skint. Everything from free public education to Pell Grants to food stamps has helped us along this path, and I'd never want to deny those opportunities to anyone else.

Whether I'm rich or not is a matter of opinion, but regardless of how one defines that, I'm happy to do my share, and would be no matter how much or how little I made. Personally, I wish far less of my money went to fund new and better ways to kill people overseas, but aside from that, eh. A measure like this, whether it would affect me or not, is designed in part to help save school funding and other critcal services that are suffering due to the overall downturn (which started ages ago, and one can thank GOP economic policies for it.) That's worth it, and any "rich" person who thinks it isn't doesn't deserve a dime of what they have.

No-one--absolutely no-one--is entirely self-made and didn't have to rely in part on the efforts of others to get where they are, and paying back what you've received is part of the bargain of living in civilized society. The more you've recieved--such as, from the efforts of minimum-wage workers in the factory that's lining your pockets with profit--the more you need to pay back.