Guh

There is nothing so pathetic as a Rite Aid two days before Christmas. The shelves have been stripped of nearly everything that could resemble a gift, and all the decorations have been shoved to one aisle, piled up in all their torn, broken 50% off glory. And you can see the wildness in the eyes of people who have just realized they forgot to shop for Great Aunt Susie and dearly hope she'll love the gift box of stale crackers and spray cheese that's been sitting in a warehouse somewhere since October 2002.

And through it all, the maniacal HO HO HO of the light-up plastic animatronic Santa, staring back at you from among the debris of wreath-shaped trivets and open boxes of Feliz Navidad cassettes.

Oh, yeah. Shopping at its finest.