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Been finding myself in a few Someone is WRONG on the Internet! debates of late, primarily around queer/ss-marriage issues. Keep running into the assertion that ss couples just want to "destroy" marriage, The Family (tm), etc. I can usually run interference on most points of fact these folks get wrong, but this one is always a head-scratcher for me, because I just don't get it. I just can't figure out why anyone would consider someone else's relationship, and the legal status thereof, to be somehow threatening.
But I think I sort of get it, now, and I think it comes down to two things: Insecurity, and a cultural sensibility that translates to, "If you're not us, then you're them, and therefore the enemy." And I get that because I've felt that way, too.
( You're a fan of the books rather than the movies? DIE, TRAITOR! )
I think a lot of homophobes who aren't irretrievably brainwashed are people in minorities themselves. They're poor, or POCs, or have little access to a larger, multi-cultural community. And those things result in isolation, and the sense of digging in for shelter. They hate queer folk not for any real reason or as a matter of religious idealism, but because they're unfamiliar, and not like the traditions and cultures in which these people feel the most safe. It's the same reason they hate people who live in cities, or people with extensive education, or people who speak a different language. They're afraid of being out in a world that isn't guaranteed to be supportive and familiar.
And I get that. I also get how incredibly hard it is to get out of that habit.
I'm not quite sure that understanding all this is going to help me get anyone else out of it, of course--homophobes least of all. But I do think I can at least work on it for myself. I'd at least like to get to the point where I'm perfectly happy saying "Yay, me!" without an attached "Boo, you!" on the end of it.
Of course, my paranoid side could well be right, and trying to do this is just going to turn me into the world's doormat in some way or another. But if the world really is that threatening, then it's going to take me down eventually whether I'm bravely facing it or not. And because the potential benefits of that bravery are pretty damned high, then, well... It's time to stop being a gutless wonder.
And who knows? Maybe in doing so, I'll at least set an example for someone else, and they can unlearn some of that paranoia, too.
But I think I sort of get it, now, and I think it comes down to two things: Insecurity, and a cultural sensibility that translates to, "If you're not us, then you're them, and therefore the enemy." And I get that because I've felt that way, too.
( You're a fan of the books rather than the movies? DIE, TRAITOR! )
I think a lot of homophobes who aren't irretrievably brainwashed are people in minorities themselves. They're poor, or POCs, or have little access to a larger, multi-cultural community. And those things result in isolation, and the sense of digging in for shelter. They hate queer folk not for any real reason or as a matter of religious idealism, but because they're unfamiliar, and not like the traditions and cultures in which these people feel the most safe. It's the same reason they hate people who live in cities, or people with extensive education, or people who speak a different language. They're afraid of being out in a world that isn't guaranteed to be supportive and familiar.
And I get that. I also get how incredibly hard it is to get out of that habit.
I'm not quite sure that understanding all this is going to help me get anyone else out of it, of course--homophobes least of all. But I do think I can at least work on it for myself. I'd at least like to get to the point where I'm perfectly happy saying "Yay, me!" without an attached "Boo, you!" on the end of it.
Of course, my paranoid side could well be right, and trying to do this is just going to turn me into the world's doormat in some way or another. But if the world really is that threatening, then it's going to take me down eventually whether I'm bravely facing it or not. And because the potential benefits of that bravery are pretty damned high, then, well... It's time to stop being a gutless wonder.
And who knows? Maybe in doing so, I'll at least set an example for someone else, and they can unlearn some of that paranoia, too.
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