Feb. 6th, 2015

textualdeviance: (80's hair)
*tap tap* Is this thing on?

*tumbleweeds* *hawk screech*

Hm. Maybe not so much. Ah, well.

I realize LJ is the cranky ol' lady of the social-media intarweebs, but over the past couple of years of posting here rarely, and then not at all, I've realized that the other places I frequent lack a key thing that I still need from this one: a useful confessional. So, here I am, back again, blathering more or less into the wilderness. Will anyone listen? No clue. But that's almost beside the point, actually.

I've been backsliding lately into some less-than-healthy behaviors, and I think part of it is because I no longer have an easy way to get icky stuff off my chest/process rabid brain weasels. I've always been a journaler, of a sort, because writing things down helps me work through them. Stoopid ADD means just plain thinking about things doesn't always help, because everything gets tangled up and shoots off in hundreds of different directions and it's hard to make sense of it all. Talking about them in person does help sometimes--the feedback I get from M when I unload on him is frequently very helpful--but sometimes I need something more extensive or Id-level than is appropriate or useful. Ergo: writing.

Unfortunately, I haven't had an easy way to do this lately save just opening up a Word doc and typing. I'm on almost every social-media out there, but while each has its advantages, and has become a place for sharing different parts of my life/interests/thoughts, none of them are really appropriate for this purpose.

Here's a rundown of where I am these days, for those wondering (or showing up here from elsewhere):

Where virtual Texty hangs out )

Looking at that list, with its heavy emphasis on public and short-form posts, it's no wonder I've felt so muzzled these days. I'm posting constantly, but I'm not really posting anything seriously emotional. Because I've also been low on close meatspace friends these days, and M just doesn't have the bandwidth to play therapist for me all the time, all of the toxic brain-weasel droppings have been building up, and therefore my head needs a flush.

So. Hi. I'm posting here again.

Because most other places fill the rest of my needs, that means almost everything here from now on will be of that personal nature. It's going to be whine city here, I'm afraid. If you'd rather not sign on to that sort of thing, feel free to unfriend me, or ask me to filter you out. Almost everything is going to be friends-locked at the least, though, so if you do want to read it, make sure I have you friended here. Also, beware that there will be trigger topics galore here. A lot of my issues are based in discrimination I face, crappy health, and shitty-childhood stuff, and I'm going to Go There on a lot of that.

I may also occasionally sound less-than-justice-minded than usual. I am, as most folks know, a hardcore SJW (as the asshats put it), but as this will be Id-level stuff, there will undoubtedly be some of the darker, more selfish and less friendly parts of my brain here. Expect a lot of dumping about my frustration with some of the other corners of SJW land, for instance. My actions, especially political, are and always will be with a mind to helping as many people as possible, but sometimes I need to get selfish and that may mean not sounding charitable here and there. I am absolutely dedicated to helping others, but this is the "secure your own mask before" stuff, so fair warning.


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